This came in handy on many occasions. But for now:
The backseat, me straddling him, his hands in my hair as I kissed him hungrily - hands moving down... I have always had a thing for large, callused hands, and this may be where it started, Brian's hands in the back of Brian's car, spanning the entirety of my back, spanning my ass, bringing me closer to him. His mouth on mine, on my neck; his hands stripping off my shirt. My small hands fumbling at his belt - I have never been smooth, and this was no exception; he had to help me, I was shaking. And my hands unbuttoning his jeans, reaching in, and -
My hands reaching in and getting far more than I'd bargained for, more and more...
I looked down at him, eyes wide. He settled back against the window, grinning, trying not to laugh at the look on my face - and I collapsed into giggles. He smiled tolerantly and pulled me down, held me - I pulled back, saying, "Dude."
"You don't expect - I can't - you-"
What I had found, you see, was the largest penis in existence. The man had a baseball bat between his legs, I tell you. I touched this thing, my hand slid down, I realized how incredibly large it was, and - "You do not expect that to actually fit inside me, do you?"
"I admit that it's improbable."
More laughter, and him stroking my hair, saying, "There are other things we can do."
"No! I can do this!"
And we tried. Oh, we tried. But no. It was a physical impossibility.
I propped myself up next to him and measured his penis against my forearm. It was the exact length of my forearm.
"That's not a penis," I said. "That's a Biblical unit of measurement."
The next day, we went to Copioh. As we approached the door, and our friend Geordie standing outside, he took my hand in his. Geordie looked at us and said, "You guys?"
Brian nodded, and Geordie started laughing. "Can that actually happen? I mean, you guys - you're like... Lego and Duplo!"