Magical Truthsaying Bastard Shadesong (shadesong) wrote,
Magical Truthsaying Bastard Shadesong

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More crap about BPAL, and some about life in general

One of the effects of my brain damage/medication is occasional difficulty with multiple or abstract trains of thought. Case in point: If something is not directly in front of me, it does not exist.

How does this relate to the BPAL?

I'm going to make a sign. And post it by the computer. That says "You have three imps of Torture King on the way. That makes four, total. You do not need to buy a bottle of Torture King, as you will pretty much *have* one in the near future. Ditto Geek (two imps coming)."

The other side of this is that both of these are LE, so when they're gone, they're gone, and I really want Torture King forever, but I can't afford to run around buying everything I want. The next thing I buy a bottle of ought to be Drink Me, as I've only got about 60% of an imp of that. I have multiple imps of most of my other favorites. In fact, I'd like to find half-full or empty bottles of Chimera, Empyreal Mist, Geek, The Red Queen, and White Rabbit (I have an empty of the Torture King on the way), just to hold the multiple imps. I only have one imp of Kathmandu, but I have a 10ml on order from the Lab.

Stuff I want bottles of, with LEs starred: Beaver Moon*, Bengal, Drink Me, Geek*, Fenris Wolf, Lear, The Red Queen, Torture King*

I say this in case any of y'all have some that didn't work for you. *nod* There's other stuff I'd like, but this is the stuff I know I want the big bottles of.

I went overboard in the flush of Oooh! Shiny! New!, so now I have a budget. And because the new Carnival series isn't coming out til later this month, I am loathe to buy anything, as I want to have money free in case I fall in love with any Carnival Diabolique stuff, as I most likely will.

Speaking of that: Anyone have any idea how many CD fragrances there'll be, and how long the series will run?

Anyway. Upshot of new LE series coming out later this month is that I can't buy anything now. So. Withdrawal! I'm getting a package of new stuff from wytchchyld and her man, and some not-new-but-beloved stuff from emerald_ibis, so that'll have to do me. And I'll keep on trying the stuff I already have, as the swap pile is growing.

And part of it is the attraction of getting something in The Mail. Spooky and the Scholar awakened the delighted little kid in me with their surprise packages over the course of this year! I'd start a pen-pal thing, but I'm terrible at sustaining my end of it, and my handwriting has seriously degenerated; probably the Trileptal fucking up my fine motor skills.

And yeah, with the health issues old and new and the mounting stress about the move - what do we do if Adam doesn't have a Boston job in time? What's better for Elayna - renting a room in Boston for the two of us so she can start the school year there, or staying here and starting in Boston midyear? It's a huge decision, and with my current difficulty multi-tracking information, I'm scared of making the wrong decision due to forgetting or just not thinking of some factor or another. And this one is all on me. There are a lot of things that are all on me that I don't currently feel up to handling, but my incapacity doesn't make them any less my responsibility.

I miss my brain.

I say that facetiously, and I laugh, but also, it's true. I miss my brain. And I hope that most of what's been fucking me up is the Trileptal, because that can change. Once I get off of that, we'll see how much of this is pharmocological and how much is structural.


With the stress? Getting little treats in the mail has really helped. So. Thank you.
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