Magical Truthsaying Bastard Shadesong (shadesong) wrote,
Magical Truthsaying Bastard Shadesong

  • Mood:

Late-night catchup


Before, I was exhausted. Now? I think I'm too full to sleep. I need the vomitorium!


It is worthy of note that my processing style has changed. I used to proces in public. Now I process mostly offline, and post when conclusions have been reached, or when I'm close to it. So. Here is an update on some of the stuff I'm processing. Busy brain!

Writing: I haven't been doing much. Largely because I've been trying to force myself to focus on the nonfiction, and I don't wanna, because it doesn't interest me as much. So. Okay. Tomorrow, I'll see about diving back into Places You Haunt. Gearswitching good.

Sex: It has come to my attention that I don't know what I want. My default in the past has been that I want D/s shading into M/s, but my reactions lately have been such that it is likely that that is no longer what I want. Sexual identity shifting! Yeargh.

Relationships: I am in a Heisenrelationship. It is not clear whether we're in one. We act like it's a relationship, except when we act like it's not, and it's probably going to be one soon, except if it isn't. This drives me slightly up a tree, yes. This is the same person/situation who triggered the following Shadesong Conflict Resolution bit today: "Okay. We're both coming out of relationships that had things that triggered us hardcore. So. When you did $ACTION, it concerned me because I felt that that could lead into $SITUATION, like it did in my last relationship, but it most likely will not with you. When I did $OTHERACTION, it concerned you because it reminded you of something $PERSON did that led to $PROBLEM. So. What we're debating here is... ghosts. We both need to just shut the fuck up and have some chocolate." The Heisenrelationship will collapse its wavefunction likely soon after I move.

Body: I... have a problem, and have had it for a few months. I have been trying to ignore it. It has failed to courteously vanish. It may or may not derive from any of my existing physical issus. I think it's a new thing, unrelated... but I'm not a doctor. I will be seeing a doctor. I will be calling her tomorrow. This processing-bit has me in low-grade panic, because I am managing to cope with my existing physical shit, but just barely. I really need to not have anything new.

Mmm. That may or may not be it. I have a headache and I'm tired, so I can't guarantee that I've covered everything. But yeah. This is why I'm so immersed in "Oooh, shiny perfume!" Because everything else in my world is too big to fit in my head right now.
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