Magical Truthsaying Bastard Shadesong (shadesong) wrote,
Magical Truthsaying Bastard Shadesong

  • Mood:

State of the 'song

I am restless from too much caffeine and too little solid food, from the twilight state of sleep deprivation, the sensation of having lost time. I cannot concentrate to write. I cannot concentrate to walk, in the moments that my restless stomach will let me; I flip from song to song on my iPod, five-second bursts of music, not knowing what I want other than that I want someone to tell me what I want.

I am dealing with time compression. I have two days left to get my daughter ready to go down south for the summer, and the same two days to get myself ready to spend a week up north. And one of those two days will be largely spent away from the house.

I do not want Elayna to go away, this year. This has been weighing on me for weeks, bringing tears to my eyes at inopportune moments. This year, all of a sudden, my child has matured. As my body has gone to hell, she has become a helper, a support. She has been an understanding little friend.

Part of why I'm leaving for Boston the same time she leaves for Florida is so I don't go home to a quiet house and spend the next week moping in her absence.

Part of it is to keep me occupied on my worst anniversary.

Two days.

My body is starting to react to the stress. Just have to remind myself. Vacation in two days.
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