Magical Truthsaying Bastard Shadesong (shadesong) wrote,
Magical Truthsaying Bastard Shadesong


The look on his face, the pain in him, cracks my heart, and my eyes fill with tears. “Shit. Kellen.”

Griffin snorted again. “Don’t feel too sorry for him. He stopped being that kid a while ago.”

Another surge of anger. “Goddammit, Griffin, he’s gonna die tonight. And I love him.”

Griffin’s face tightens at that, but only for a moment. I love you, too, I think, and I know that he knows it. But I also know how he feels about me being Kellen’s. “And you’ll do anything to save him,” he said quietly. “Yeah. He’s played you just right.”

Kellen squeezed my hand, pulling my attention back to him. “That’s where I go,” he continued. I could see that he didn’t want to keep telling me – but he didn’t want to see whatever was about to go down between me and Griffin. “When I disappear for days at a time? I go to them. And… they use me.”

“For seven years.”


“You look like hell every time you come back from there. You feel… corroded, weak, broken. You’ve been doing this for seven years?”

“I am strong, Crystal.”

“Tell her about the drugs,” Griffin said implacably.

Kellen shot him a look. “About a year after I started with them, I was getting really desperate. I was full to bursting with this energy all the time, and I was too supercharged to block anything out. I felt everyone around me all the time. I felt them all the time. I’d go to them and they’d use me, and – it hurt. And then they’d throw me back into this, and it was like – you know when your hands are freezing cold? Not just like being in a cold movie theater. But really frozen stiff and numb? You think that washing them in hot water will help get rid of that fast – but when you stick your frozen hands under the hot water, it hurts, it feels like knives jabbing you. Going from them back to the city was like that. But with my mind. And way worse. So… I found a way.”

“Which was?”

He smiled. “You already know.”

And I did. “Crystal meth.”

He nodded. “Other drugs can actually heighten this stuff. Never drop acid around here, I’m serious. But speed just shuts it all off. Entirely. You can be alone in your head.”

“That’s why you got me started on it.”

“That, and – to protect you.” He squeezed my hand again, more emphatically this time, eyes intent on mine. “When you’re tweaking, they can’t see you. At least not very well. And Crystal – I’m strong. But you blow me away.”

“Very sweet,” Griffin interrupted. “But you’re not telling her all of it.”

Kellen sighed, looking away again. “What I found out what effect it had… not only did I start taking it. But I gave it to the other kids like me. Like us. To protect them.”

“Do you have any idea how many people you’ve killed over the years, Kellen?” Griffin’s voice was very even, very controlled. “How many people who lived, but whose lives are totally broken? You are not a fucking hero. You don’t get to be the fucking hero. You’re the Johnny Appleseed of methamphetamines. You laid the pipeline to this town. Protection? You’ve been destroying people for seven years."
Tags: places you haunt, rabbit hole day
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