Magical Truthsaying Bastard Shadesong (shadesong) wrote,
Magical Truthsaying Bastard Shadesong
shadesong

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Privacy Issues

I talk here a lot.

Really, really a lot.

You guys know tons about my writing and the process thereof. You know all about my sex life. You get my funny kid stories. You get thoroughly random whateverness.

Pretty much, as I stated on Saturday's "Blogging For Writers" panel, pretty much everything that falls out of my brain ends up here.

With two exceptions.

Other People's Stuff
I don't tend to keep secrets, myself. This is most likely the result of a childhood spent keeping secrets I shouldn't have had to keep. Silence hurts me. So I don't tend to have any secrets. The only secrets I have are Other People's Stuff. Someone tells me something that's not to be repeated, it does not get repeated.

Important Things In Process
I tend to figure my own brain out in public - witness the string of "mindmapping" posts.

But when it comes to interpersonal things... those things are delicate. They need time, and they need their own space. It can be very damaging to start posting about something interpersonal in flux, something that's not soup yet.

So.

What's going on - and what's going to continue to go on, I suppose, since my request has been ignored and the post remains - is that someone was trusted with My Stuff, the interpersonal Stuff of me and someone else. Something that the other person and I agreed should not be posted on LJ in any way, shape or form, at least partly because it is in flux, but partly because y'know, it's private... something that we're pushing a pause button on in order to give ourselves time to relax and process and think...

...and this person, this third party, has decided to go forth and propagate misinformation. This person has decided to violate my privacy and the privacy of the other person, essentially call the state for Bush before the votes are cast, and make something that's none of anybody's business the business of two hundred-someodd people.

I repeat: No one's goddamn business but mine and the other person's. And this third party decided he had the right to spread it - his incorrect verson of it - around to a few hundred of his closest friends.

(Which additional pressure, let me tell you, does further damage to an already delicate situation - makes it harder to focus.)

The thing that keeps coming to my mind is "I give you enough!" And it sounds plaintive. But dammit, I do. I open myself here so much, often specifically because I know it helps others - I talk about the rape, for example, because I know it helps people to not feel alone. And there are times when my spirit takes a little hit when I do that, open the wounded parts, but I do it, but...

...that's my choice.

This is someone reaching in and prying me open and ripping out one of the few things that I wasn't okay sharing yet, not while it was in flux. This is a violation.

As I think about it, that's more the thing. The lie is secondary... that's easily dispensed with, time will show everyone that. The fact that it comes from someone who's not at all involved in the relationship/situation/problem has already given plenty of people pause.

But both of the people actually involved in this agreed that this was not an online announcement thing - not while it's in flux, which it will be for some time. And if ever, it's something we should consult on.

Not something that should be ripped away from us.

I give enough. I don't have to give you everything, and I don't have to give it to you right now, and taking it from me is not okay. That is my bill of goddamn rights.

This is a violation.

I think that's all that's ready to come out right now. This is public so the people he granted VIP access to my personal business to, who've been reloading my LJ page all day, can see how I feel about these actions, since many of them are complete strangers. Yes, hi, have another piece of me, what's your name again? Comments are screened because, much as discussion can be a good thing, I'm taking a nap (I meant what I said about this keeping me from sleeping At All last night), and I don't want to wake up to a flamewar.

EDIT: Well, now! Benefit of the doubt no longer given, as the person in question has just sent me a venomous, vitriolic spew of e-mail. And there we have it. Good to know that I was reading it correctly from the start. (And it is worth of note that this person has Issues of one sort or another with everyone who's been in my part of this network for the past few years.)
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