Magical Truthsaying Bastard Shadesong (shadesong) wrote,
Magical Truthsaying Bastard Shadesong
shadesong

  • Mood:

It's okay.

My second cousin's wife sticks her head around the corner, flustered. "Would you mind watching the baby for a minute?"

"Um. Sure. No problem."

I come out from behind the kitchen island, wineglass in hand, to watch the baby. It's Christmas day, and the house is in merry chaos. Hell if I know where the baby's dad is, or where his mom is going.

The Baby.

The Baby has, til this point, been a symbol, a cipher. The Baby is the thing I cannot have again, due to health. But I look past the words The Baby to focus on this baby, my temporary charge. I squat down beside him, look into his big melty-chocolate brown eyes. "Hey, kid."

He looks up and grins.

He's a cute kid, 16 months old, the youngest of the seven running 'round the house today by a long shot. (Elayna is smack in the middle, and the only girl.) He's very curious about the pool, and I lock that door against him. "Hm. Hey. Want to help me clean up?"

He looks at me curiously.

I hold up a piece of the Hot Wheels track that he's scattered all over the floor, part of the next-youngest kid's loot. I slide it into its box with a silly "shoooop!" sound. "Help me?"

He giggles and grabs a piece, and I grab another piece, and we work industriously. I teach him how to high-five, and we high-five after each successful slide, each "shoooop!" When we're done, he tries to investigate the pool again, stumblerunning fast, and I scoop him up: "Whoa! Pools are not for munchkins!"

He's heavy. Elayna was not this heavy at this age; she was never heavy in this way. This kid is built solid. Maximum pudge. Not fat, mind. Just very solid.

He laughs, even though he's been thwarted, and I laugh back and bink his nose, and this is the first time in what, a year? that I've been near a baby without wanting to cry, or without going ahead and crying.

And I realize that it's okay.

I'm not going to have another baby. But it's okay. I'm okay.

His mom comes back and I hand him off, and I go out and watch my kid, running around with her cousins, golden hair bannering out behind her, laughing her wild laugh, and... if this is the only one I get, I'm okay.
Subscribe
  • Post a new comment

    Error

    default userpic

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.
  • 19 comments