Magical Truthsaying Bastard Shadesong (shadesong) wrote,
Magical Truthsaying Bastard Shadesong

It's night, and I'm highly medicated. In the morning, I have a pill and a half of Trileptal. At night, I have that and a pill of Zonegran, half a pill of Toprol, and a pill of folic acid, not that that last one does anything to my mind-state.

I am out of my head a bit. I am floaty.

I have worlds in my head. I have *too many* worlds in my head. SPC476 said he likes the NaNo better than my regular Shayara stuff; I wonder if that is just because of the *focus*. Because with the NaNo I'm not scattered all over the place, I'm not dealing with 50 characters, et cetera. I'm *just* dealing with Jeramie and Alanna as POV characters. Focus.

They're in my head all the time; I'm writing all the time, in my head. I think of Spooky, and I think of Jessa and Annie learning each other. That leads me to Jessa and Fenris, and a song I just heard that reminds me of *them* - Rachael Yamagata, "The Reason Why".

I can be there for hours. When I'm medicated, especially, I can get lost.

I don't want my medication. I want to choose.

I can't write the words sometimes because the medication makes my brain too tired. Fogs me. Doesn't make my brain tangly, thorny, like the Keppra did - but it makes it hard to bring the words out in their intended sentences. Sometimes I fight to bring them out.

But they are always there. From beginning to end, and so many paths through the middle, I Know this story.

I will sleep now.
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