Magical Truthsaying Bastard Shadesong (shadesong) wrote,
Magical Truthsaying Bastard Shadesong
shadesong

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Snapshot of Kieran

Kieran keeps showing up by a particular window in the Library. He posed by it for the calendar, and it seems that many important conversations start when he's in this room, looking out this window; in one snippet, Julia acknowledges that she came looking for him, and lo, he was in the first place she looked.

Kieran's looking out the window, and you're looking in as if from outside. He's resting his head against his forearm, which is braced against the top of the window. His hand is clenched, as is his jaw beneath the neatly-trimmed beard, and the tension is met in deep-blue eyes. His chestnut hair is tucked behind one ear, showing the glint of a garnet earring, but is otherwise left to cascade freely over his shoulders. He's wearing a button-down shirt - you can see a silver chain, but not the pendant on it - and a well-worn black leather vest.

One thing you may have noticed, that I didn't notice til I was on my walk just now - Kieran's shown up in every snapshot I've written thus far, save Julia's, and no one else was in hers. He was Capri's beloved friend. He was shy Halloran's way of avoiding the spotlight. He was a target for Alanna's self-loathing.

Kieran is a mirror.

If you want a lover
I'll do anything you ask me to
And if you want another kind of love
I'll wear a mask for you


He's a gentle lover to Ryan, and a harsh Master to Capri - answering the need in each of them. He's Halloran's friend and shield. He's Donna's right hand.

Kieran, the cavalier, the raconteur; the ladies' man, man's man, man about town!

If you want a partner
Take my hand
Or if you want to strike me down in anger
Here I stand
I'm your man


As we see him now, he is trying to be a partner to new-found Julia. His destined, soulbonded love. And she rejects him utterly.

Because he isn't real.

He tries to approach her as Capri does - sweet, patient, calm Capri, who views this as taming a feral kitten. And this works for Julia and Capri - because that's who Capri is.

But it's not who he is, not entirely, and Julia sees that dissonance and will not have him. Not that she'll tell him that's why. He's yet to figure this out.

I've been running through these promises to you
That I made and I could not keep


Kieran's father left when he was nine years old, driven away by his mother's "episodes", her relentless depression. For the next few years, Kieran held things together for his mother as much as he could. Being what she needed until it was second nature, until he was a chameleon.

He went to live with Donna after her suicide.

And if you've got to sleep
A moment on the road
I will steer for you


Kieran keeps coming to this window because it's where, at age fourteen, he became a man. This had nothing to do with sex. This was where he was standing, with the sense that something was very, very wrong, watching the night fog roll in... when he saw the first Hounds emerge on the night of the Purges.

This is where Kieran saw his first murder.

And where he took control, getting the children in the Library to the shielded basement, helping Donna, liaising with the Kirayth. The longest night of Kieran's life. He woke up feeling so much older...

That was ten years ago.

And I'd claw at your heart
And I'd tear at your sheet
I'd say please, please
I'm your man


He has more anger than he knows... and he's so skilled at being a mirror, a chameleon, at being just exactly what you need, that even he doesn't know. Kieran isn't sure who he is. And Julia's rejection of him... his inability to subconsciously meet her every desire is making him realize how automatically he moves to do just that. And he wonders, after a lifetime of being what everyone he loves wants, what he wants.

Maybe, in all of this, Kieran is still fighting for his mother - fighting to keep Capri, Ryan, Donna happy so they don't end up like her. All these years.

Maybe what Kieran wants is to lay down his sword.

And no one has ever even known he's holding one.

I'm your man.

Kieran's looking out the window; it's sunset. The fog rolls over the walls, pools and eddies in the cobblestone streets. His jaw tightens. He doesn't look away.
Tags: shayara, shayara.character.snapshot, shayara.kieran
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