Magical Truthsaying Bastard Shadesong (shadesong) wrote,
Magical Truthsaying Bastard Shadesong

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Thor's Day

Happy birthday to boutell!

Hello to new reader caulay!

The usual.
Tomorrow's my cardiologist appointment. Tomorrow I get to find out if they're going to run catheters up my arteries to zap my heart, or just put me on more drugs (with fun unknown side effects), or some Option No. 3. I'm so scared I'm shaking.

I wasn't this scared about my first-and-second neurologist appointments... I think because I went straight from my primary care doctor to the MRI, and from the MRI to the neuro, so when I walked into the neuro's office for the very first time, I had an Answer in the first five minutes. She knew what it was before she even talked to me, just from the MRI and my description of the seizures. Lesion on the hippocampus, textbook description of complex partial seizures: boom, you have temporal lobe epilepsy, here are your drugs. There wasn't even a lot of time between the primary care visit and the neuro visit.

Here, it was a couple of weeks just struggling with primary care before I got to the cardiologist, and now six weeks: three (out of the prescribed four) on the heart monitor, and now the wait. And if it is what docorion thinks it is, they do the catheter thing for that. And I've never had surgery, except to have my wisdom teeth out, and I'm terrified. Between that and the Boston move - which I'm in a suspended state of terror about because I have no degree of control over when it happens - I am just existing in terror.

Which is probably not good for my heart, either. Heh.

Adam points out that it's not going to be a first-tier horrible thing, whatever it is. I pointed out that the second-tier things will also put me in the operating theater. He said the doctor would've called if anything like that had shown up. I said, "Not if I already have an appointment scheduled. They tell you bad stuff in person. If I already have an appointment within two weeks, and it's not first-tier horrible, they'll wait."

Whatever it is, I'm confident that they won't have to crack my chest open. That's first-tier horrible. They would have called.

I cling to that fact like Linus clings to his blanket.
Tags: heart
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