I'm still on the Trileptal. Which is, okay, not going to kill me; it isn't as bad as the Keppra. I got my evening dose reduced, at least.
Why call me in if you're not going to do anything more than you did on the phone?
So I asked about Lyrica; it's still not on the market. I asked about Depakote. I got the birth-defects spiel again. I replied again with "I'm not trying to conceive. I'm using protection."
The nurse says "Fifty percent of all pregnancies are unplanned."
Really. Fifty percent of all pregnancies. I'd love to see where she got that.
Doctor came in. I 'splained. She said that Dilantin and Depakote were the next ones on her list, but that they were both heavy with the side effects, Dilantin with balance issues, which already plague me.
Me: "What about Neurontin?" (docorion's recommendation.)
Doctor: "Oh, well, I don't tend to give Neurontin. It's not very effective."
Which my guys and I take to mean that the Neurontin rep doesn't send her post-it notes and jackets.
Me: "Well. So how about Depakote?"
Her: "Well, it has the worst risk of birth defects, and with you still trying to conceive -"
Me, interrupting: "I am NOT trying to conceive. I am trying very hard NOT to conceive. I have a ten-year-old already. I am not going to have any more babies. No more diapers. Ever. Again."
Because I swear to fucking god, I want a baby, but I can't have one because of this shit, and I can't get this through your head so you'll actually give me *treatment* instead of looking at me as a baby-making machine - I swear to fuck, woman, I don't know how many ways I can tell you this!
Her: "Are you sure? I know you're a newlywed."
Me: "I am a newlywed with a fifth-grader. I'm sure."
Her: "What protection are you using?"
Me: "Condoms and spermicide."
Her: "There's a ten-percent risk of failure with condoms."
Swear. To. Fuck.
Me: "Does Depakote interfere with the effectiveness of birth control pills?"
Me: "I'll get on the Pill."
Her: "You should keep using condoms, too-"
Me: "I will do both."
Is this enough? No. Of course not. No, there is hemming and hawing and her decision to just go with the lower dosage of Trileptal for now, and I should keep my September 12 appointment and let her know then how I'm feeling. Well, I'm still gonna be feeling like trying another drug, I'm pretty sure.
She thinks that "we haven't failed the Trileptal and Zonegran" because I'm not seizing.
I think we have. Because of the whole quality of life thing.
I'm sick (and tired!) of fighting with the clinic system.
So. That's the story. It's still a mild improvement.