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Scheherazade in Blue Jeans
freelance alchemist
13th-Jul-2005 10:26 am
In response to my post about methamphetamine orphans, mountainkiss asked: "do you believe in the right to choose?"

My reply: "I do. As I was writing my comments, it occurred to me that my general opinion could be misconstrued....

I'll probably do a full post on it later. but in very brief:

I am pro-choice. I believe in the right of every woman to choose.

I myself cannot see a circumstance where I personally would choose abortion.

I have absolutely no right to force any person to choose according to my opinions. Absolutely no right. Neither does anyone else.

I have friends who have had abortions. I have friends who've given babies up for adoption. I have friends who have had and kept babies. And I honor all of their choices.

I am glad that I have a choice. *nod*"

This is really by no means a full post, but I felt that it ought to be set out there for the New Kids. I'm aware that, in the previous post, I spoke of my responsibility to Elayna as a person from Day One - I don't want that to lead people to believe, erroneously, that I am anti-choice. This was my choice, and I honor and respect the choice of others.
13th-Jul-2005 07:39 am (UTC)
This is exactly my opinion as well. I've had many people who cannot understand how I can be pro-choice after I've said that I cannot imagine any circumstances in which I would have an abortion. I don't see the two positions as contradictory, and I'm glad I'm not the only one.
13th-Jul-2005 07:41 am (UTC)
Yeah. I just go kinda blinky. "But, see... it is my choice to not have an abortion. Choice. See?"
13th-Jul-2005 07:46 am (UTC)
Wow, that's exactly how I feel. I don't think I could ever get an abortion, but what gives me (or anybody else) the right to say what other woman should do with their bodies?
13th-Jul-2005 07:49 am (UTC)
*nods* I honestly do not see where the politicians get off making these decrees. Literally. Can't grok the logic.

13th-Jul-2005 07:55 am (UTC)
...Wait. They're using logic? Really? Where are they hiding it?
13th-Jul-2005 07:51 am (UTC)
I am pro-choice. I believe in the right of every woman to choose.

I myself cannot see a circumstance where I personally would choose abortion.
That's exactly how I feel.
13th-Jul-2005 07:57 am (UTC)
I can't see myself making the choice to have an abortion, but I'll be DAMNED if I'd take that choice away from someone else. Same as I would never choose to be sterilized, but I won't condem people who make that decision. I don't grok why they would, but hey, not my body, not my choice, not my problem.
13th-Jul-2005 08:06 am (UTC)
Hope I didn't imply that I thought you were saying the opposite - it just sparked a thought, that's all. This is very clear and consistent, and has a very sophisticated and useful definition of choice.
13th-Jul-2005 08:07 am (UTC)
Oh, no - is cool. I'd already been thinking that it was sort of ambigious, and that I should clarify.

Thanks. :)
13th-Jul-2005 08:09 am (UTC)
I could imagine a few situations that would consider an abortion, since if I got pregnant now it'd ruin a lot of my plans in life. It bothers me that there's a need to keep abortion legal (although I wouldn't want it any other way - not my place to say what people should/shouldn't do) but I'd *much* rather there be better, more reliable forms of birth control and people taking responsibility of their actions.

Some things can't be avoided, though, and I believe abortion should be a last resort, but I'm not the one to make the call when that last resort option is to be used.. and I would never hold it against someone who made that choice, as it is not my place.
13th-Jul-2005 08:20 am (UTC)
*chuckle* That thought (you being anti-choice) never occurred to me, perhaps because I know you, and perhaps because your position seems logical to me. I believe that abortion must be legal, but I also believe that it should be one of the heaviest choices with which a woman is faced. The implication of your words is that Miss Jade was a person long before you could hold her in your arms. To me, that is the belief that makes abortion such a serious matter. I believe that if I ever (horror 101) had to choose to abort a baby, I would be taking a life - a life dependent on me, making it my choice, but a life nonetheless. As others have said - prevention and caution are better options. Abortion should never be a form of birth control any more than euthanasia should be a form of population control.
13th-Jul-2005 08:35 am (UTC)
Hi. I usually read but this topic is especially of interest to me.

Last year around March, we discovered that my wife was pregnant. This was obviously a shock to us since we weren't expecting it and we weren't married either. She was set on having the baby mostly because when she was 14, she had an abortion after becoming pregnant from the first time she had sex.

Ultimately, I had to come to terms with wether to push for an abortion or go through with it since her mind was already made up. Over the course of two weeks, I didn't think of anything else since this was The Most Important Decision of My Life. I hemmed, I hawed, I came to terms with the fact that if we aborted, we wouldn't know what could have been and that if we went through with it, our lives as irresponsible young adults (I'm 29, she just turned 26) would be done forever.

I decided (because I was the only one not sure) to go ahead with this after I realized that there isn't any reason to not have a baby. I don't do drugs any more, we don't drink at all, we both have good jobs and supportive families. Day care would be provided by my wife's mother who doesn't work and at the end of the week, it really only costs $60 for food, diapers and accessories.

I am glad I didn't have to choose the alternative because now our 4 month old daughter is the most beautiful baby in the world. I'm not one to gush but this girl is going to break hearts when she grows up!

Would I rather be coming home at 6am and sleeping until 4pm on the weekends? Probably. As it is, I don't mind waking up at 6am to feed her - when I walk into the room and she beams her huge smile when she sees me is enough to tell me that I've made the right choice.

We had a choice and it was our choice, I didn't have to think about if we had to go to some back-alley abortionist and do a criminal act. I don't want to make it sound like we're pro-life because we made the decision to keep the baby. If there was any serious birth defects that would have prevented her from living a normal productive life, we would have considered abortion.

My wife works with severely physically and mentally retarded adults so it's not like we're "eeww.. retards!" When she was in her position as recreation director, she would spend time with the residents playing with glitter and glue, only she was grasping their hands that were grasping whatever they were working with at the time because they couldn't hold a marker without any help. Both she and I would not want to bring a child into the world with a massive handicap, it's just not fair to them.

Now that my morals are out of the way, the pregnancy was the worst EVER. Half a dozen OBs, the last one being fired the day of the delivery for lying to us, lying about test results because he never screened her for staph and she was positive, telling us to commit insurance fraud (long story) and compromising our personal information to other patients (and vise-versa). My wife has RH antibodies from her first pregnancy which makes this her second and she wasn't treated with Rogam for the first one. This was a fear throughout the pregnancy on wether she would deliver a baby with no problems, jaundice, or brain damage. Our baby turned out fine but the next one may not since it will be the third and once you have antibodies, they don't go away. I haven't even gotten to the two kidney stones and numerous trips to the ER and maternity ward for emergencies.

Would we do it again? Yes. If her RH antibodies are low enough to make it safe, we will have another child. I'm not sure about adoption though. I personally don't believe I would have as much of a connection with an adopted child. I cut my daughter's cord, I was there telling my wife to push her out, I was there right from the start with her and I don't know if I would feel the same way if it weren't like that.

Jeeze, sorry for rambling on and on.. just my feelings
13th-Jul-2005 08:42 am (UTC)
I should also say that abortion as a method of birth control is wrong. I know a couple people who have used them numerous times for birth control.

I'm not talking about RU486 or Morning After pills either, full on abortion and D&C. THAT is wrong.
19th-Jul-2005 07:04 am (UTC)
I'm glad you made the choice you felt was right for you. :)
13th-Jul-2005 08:40 am (UTC)
You have much the same position I do: I am personally conservitive in some of my beliefs. I don't think I could get an abortion. I might go the route of adoption if it was a bad situation, but not the abortion route. However, I am socially liberal. I have no desire, ability, or reason to make that choice for anyone else. They can make up their own minds.

(Deleted comment)
19th-Jul-2005 07:07 am (UTC)
after having been pregnant, I can understand a little bit where the anti-choice folks come from, because it is a amazing thing to carry and protect a little life inside of you, but also having been through a pregnancy, I would never want to force that experience on anyone who didn't want it. It does seem like a bit of a contradiction, that having my daughter is the best thing in my life and yet I am more pro-choice now than I was before I got pregnant... not sure how to reconcile that, or if it needs to be reconciled--somehow it makes sense to me. :)

To me as well. *nod*
13th-Jul-2005 11:22 am (UTC)
I love the way you wrote this.

It is sometimes forgotten that bringing the pregnancy to term and raising the resulting child are choices too.

I absolutely positively one hundred percent *HATE* the idea that, because I've delivered an infant, I must be anti-choice. I also abhor the idea that I got knocked up and didn't put any thought whatsoever into whether or not I was going to to continue the pregnancy. Ugh.

On the way to the March For Choice last year, some dillrod with a hideous sign (and as one who's gone through a miscarriage, the signs (which are mostly images of miscarried fetuses(feti?)) piss me off more than ever before) said something about my "beautiful child" (which she naturally is,but I really don't think it was a passing comment)...I said "Oh, the child I *chose* to have? Yes, she's gorgeous." He probably didn't get it.

Sorry. This seems to have turned into a rant. I'll stop now.:)

19th-Jul-2005 06:56 am (UTC)
I absolutely positively one hundred percent *HATE* the idea that, because I've delivered an infant, I must be anti-choice. I also abhor the idea that I got knocked up and didn't put any thought whatsoever into whether or not I was going to to continue the pregnancy. Ugh.

13th-Jul-2005 01:51 pm (UTC)
I've found a lot of people over the years who have trouble parsing that concept. I do not have to agree with abortion to be pro-choice. Really.

I once saw someone write that they were pro-life, because they couldn't imagine not having chosen to have their child in their life. The irony hurt my head.
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