Magical Truthsaying Bastard Shadesong (shadesong) wrote,
Magical Truthsaying Bastard Shadesong

  • Mood:

Pretty Girls

So I was talking to docorion the other day about The Continued Girlification of the Shadesong. He has instructed me to wear a skirt at least once a week; he prefers short skirts. I'm very resistant to short skirts. So it is okay for now that I wear *long* skirts instead of short when I'm outside the house, and just wear the short skirts with him, until I am okay with wearing the short skirts outside the house. He doesn't push; he lets me take my time with difficult things.

So we were talking about skirts, and how he wants me to be all girly - and to show my legs and stuff. He told me I have great legs. Well, I do like my calves. And he told me I was so pretty.

And what fell out of my mouth was this: "Bad things happen to pretty girls."

Such is my comfort level with him - I have no walls, no filters. Direct route from subconscious to mouth.

"Bad things happen to pretty girls."

That's what's hardwired in me. And it's something that I was reminded of yesterday, when wakingdreaming said that my long hair overwhelmed my features - that I have nice features and should show them. What came out then was a joking "I like to hide." But that comes from the same place. Bad things happen to pretty girls - safety comes in not being a pretty girl. So. Hide the features. (I had contacts for about a month in 9th grade. Threw 'em away.) Hide the girl-ness. How many of y'all have seen me in anything other than jeans and a T-shirt, with Merrells or Doc Martens?

One thing about being obsessed with mapping my brain, at least, is that I know exactly where these things come from.

That's got to be worked on.

EDIT: I am okay, not depressed or anything - just musing. Lack of response to comments is due only to an impending long-lunch-date.
  • Post a new comment


    default userpic

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.
← Ctrl ← Alt
Ctrl → Alt →
← Ctrl ← Alt
Ctrl → Alt →