Magical Truthsaying Bastard Shadesong (shadesong) wrote,
Magical Truthsaying Bastard Shadesong
shadesong

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Pretty Girls

So I was talking to docorion the other day about The Continued Girlification of the Shadesong. He has instructed me to wear a skirt at least once a week; he prefers short skirts. I'm very resistant to short skirts. So it is okay for now that I wear *long* skirts instead of short when I'm outside the house, and just wear the short skirts with him, until I am okay with wearing the short skirts outside the house. He doesn't push; he lets me take my time with difficult things.

So we were talking about skirts, and how he wants me to be all girly - and to show my legs and stuff. He told me I have great legs. Well, I do like my calves. And he told me I was so pretty.

And what fell out of my mouth was this: "Bad things happen to pretty girls."

Such is my comfort level with him - I have no walls, no filters. Direct route from subconscious to mouth.

"Bad things happen to pretty girls."

That's what's hardwired in me. And it's something that I was reminded of yesterday, when wakingdreaming said that my long hair overwhelmed my features - that I have nice features and should show them. What came out then was a joking "I like to hide." But that comes from the same place. Bad things happen to pretty girls - safety comes in not being a pretty girl. So. Hide the features. (I had contacts for about a month in 9th grade. Threw 'em away.) Hide the girl-ness. How many of y'all have seen me in anything other than jeans and a T-shirt, with Merrells or Doc Martens?

One thing about being obsessed with mapping my brain, at least, is that I know exactly where these things come from.

That's got to be worked on.

EDIT: I am okay, not depressed or anything - just musing. Lack of response to comments is due only to an impending long-lunch-date.
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