ED: Robert Jordan, bestselling author of the Wheel of Time series, welcome.
RJ: It's an honour.
ED: It's an honour for me too.
RJ: That's what I meant.
ED: Mr. Jordan, may I call you Robert?
RJ: My friends call me Robert.
RJ: That's Mr. Jordan to you.
ED: Fine. Mr Jordan, tell us about your latest novel.
RJ: This is Book 22 of the Wheel of Time series, Rand Clips his Toenails.
ED: The book has come in from some criticism from the fans on the forums.
RJ: I can't imagine why.
ED: Perhaps because the entire book is devoted entirely to a description of Rand clipping his toenails.
RJ: I felt that there were a lot of important plot points addressed in the book.
ED: It's seven hundred pages about toenail clipping!
RJ: I think you are failing to understand the significance of the toenail clipping act. Each toenail must be clipped in the precise order as laid out in The Prophecies of The Dragon. The manner in which each toenail is clipped is subtly different, with serious implications for all of the other characters.
ED: What possible implications could there be for the other characters? None of them even appear in the book!
RJ: I'm afraid you will have to Read and Find Out.
ED: Lets try a different approach...Mr. Jordan, how do you react to accusations that your novels consist almost entirely of meaningless trivial subplots and feature precious little actual plot development?
RJ: I can't understand where these accusations are coming from.
ED: Allow me to give a couple of examples...Book 17 The Paint Dries . The infamous braid tugging sequence... "Men!" growled Nynaeve, tugging her braid and folding her arms under her breasts. Elayne stormed into the room. "Men!" she exclaimed, tugging Nynaeve's braid and folding her arms beneath her breasts. Aviendha stormed into the room. "Men!" she growled, tugging Nynaeve's braid and folding her arms... . This goes on for an entire chapter! Thirty-seven different women complain about men and tug Nynaeve's braid. How can you justify this? Or how about Book 19 Overtaken by a Snail ...Elayne knits clothes for her baby...and you include the knitting pattern!
RJ: These are all important plot points. To appreciate the significance you just have to RAFO.
ED: Have you any idea how irritating that phrase is?
RJ: Let me stroke my beard while I think about that...yes.
ED: Fine. Was it a conscious decision of yours to concentrate on one character for the entire book? Are we now going to get a dozen one character books?
RJ: Let me stroke my beard and think about that...no. The next book will have another change of emphasis. It will consist entirely of subplot and will not feature any of the main characters.
ED: None at all? That's incredible! What is it about?
RJ: The book introduces two hundred new characters, none of whom will appear in any of the subsequent books. As to the plot, you will just have to wait until the first part of the prologue goes on sale.
ED: Yes, I suppose...hold on a minute, what do you mean by the first part of the Prologue?
RJ: I am releasing the Prologue of the next book on a sentence by sentence basis.
ED: Good God! How long is this Prologue?
RJ: Approximately 700 pages.
ED: That doesn't leave much room for the rest of the book.
RJ: There is no rest of the book. The entire book is a Prologue. It's part of my FARO policy.
ED: Don't you mean RAFO?
RJ: No, FARO - Fleece and Rip Off.
ED: Have you a title for book twenty-three yet?
RJ: Not yet, I was thinking Laughing All the Way to the Bank or maybe The Dragging Really Bores why?
ED: Might I suggest The Mattress.
ED: Because its full of padding.
RJ: Let me stroke my beard and think about that.
ED: Robert Jordan, best-selling author of the Wheel of Time series, goodnight.