Magical Truthsaying Bastard Shadesong (shadesong) wrote,
Magical Truthsaying Bastard Shadesong
shadesong

  • Mood:

*digs fingernails into palms*

Depressing medical shit.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

Got yelled at for decreasing Topamax. Don't care. Fuck you. You didn't return my calls til I told you I did.

Not a number. Not a patient. I'm a person. I'm 'song. I am not an average 170-lb. male - stop prescribing for me like I am.*

I'm 'song. I'm 90 pounds. I'm 90 pounds because these drugs that you give me destroy my body. That's scary. And I decreased my dosage without your permission because I'm afraid of going blind. I told you when you prescribed that stuff that I was being treated for borderline glaucoma. My eyes hurt. My eye pressure went up. You didn't return my calls. I decreased my dosage. My eyes stopped hurting.

You're not taking care of me. I have to take care of myself. I am telling you that I decreased my dosage because I am being responsible.

This is a year and a half.

Do you realize that I don't remember what it's like to not be nauseous?

So the choice you give me:

1. Stay on lower dose of Topamax + 1,050mg/day of Trileptal.
2. Ditch Topamax, go to 1,200mg/day of Trileptal.

And you're trying to push Option #1.

Option #1: Extra fatigue. Brainfog.
Option #2: That lovely double vision and drunken staggering.

These are my choices.

They won't do Depakote. Won't do it. Will. Not. Do It. Woman of Childbearing Age.

FUCK you.

*buries head in hands*

"You've tried all of the newer drugs. The older drugs all have side effects, too. We can put you on those and just watch you go through side effects on them."

At what point do I give up?

What constitutes giving up, anyway? Settling for one drugs that does, nonetheless, fuck me up? Stopping drugs and just having seizures?

Surgery?

Signing off for now. Got to leave soon to pick the kid up. Early release day before her Spring Break...

* docorion asked why they did. Because I have seizures at smaller doses. *pained smile*

NOTE: Just got call back: Appt at 3:45, Apr. 12.
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