Magical Truthsaying Bastard Shadesong (shadesong) wrote,
Magical Truthsaying Bastard Shadesong

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Oh holy fuck.

I got four more weeks of this. I up my dose by 300mg every Monday. I was surprised that I actually felt pretty good yesterday.

Until last night.

"Take your meds right before bed," he said. "No," I replied; "I'm taking them earlier in the morning than I used to, and I want to keep them evenly spaced."

His theory now is that I need to engage in physical activity after I take my meds. Because they hit me so goddamn hard last night.

I took my meds (look, ma, five pills!) at 8:00, just after putting Miss Kid to bed, and we sat down to watch Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind - my third time, his first. I *heart* that movie. Around 9:00, I noticed that I was nodding off a teensy bit, and the double vision was making it hard to see the movie. So I told Adam that I had to go to bed. Which is Something for me, as I'm usually one to stubbornly push my body - but my body was just at the end of its rope.

So I sat up.

"Oh, fuck."


Gods. The word was spinning like never before. Like when you have a migraine and tip your head back. I tried to lever myself off the couch, and my knees buckled. Okay, okay. I sat, and the world whirled around me. I whimpered. I tried to stand again, and mostly succeeded. Adam moved to my side to try to catch me if I fell... I staggered like a drunk to the hallway. Gods, it was so weird in my head. Just weird. Like I was really, really high. On a combination of things. I leaned hard on the walls as I staggered toward the bedroom. Half-ran from the doorway to the bathroom, then from the bathroom to the bed, pretty much falling against the bed. My head was so weird. I perceived my voice as being weird and asked Adam if it was indeed weird outside my head. He confirmed. I think that, in addition to everything else, I was having random volume changes and talking slowly. And I think maybe I was a bit nonsensical.

Adam tucked me in. I related a perverse desire to stay awake and walk around the house just to see what would happen. He forbade me to do so. I asked him to stay with my for five minutes and tell me a story, but he had no stories...

"I'll be okay."


"Just four more weeks til I'm on maintenance dosage. Four weeks, right?"

"Yes. Four weeks."

"And then a month to see if the side effects will go away. At least a month."


"Two months."


Silence as I exhaustedly pondered.

"In two months, my comic book will be on the stands." That's the way to think about it. When this is over, Shayara will be on the stands. I can stick it out. There's a pot of gold. "I'll be okay."

I think I fell asleep before he left the room. I'm not sure.

Adam, did I miss anything?

Today: My eyes feel weird, and my vision is slightly blurry. And my head gets weird when I move it - like it was that night at Noodle when I got back from Arizona, and the night I hung out at JavaMonkey with Wombat, but moreso.

Only moderately nauseous.

EDIT: Boss has noticed how messed up I seem, and is very concerned. Wants to reassure me that I can go home if I need to. Going to try to stick it out, as I really do need as many hours as I can last. I mean, it's not as if this is going to go away any time in the near future. Gotta save not-gettin'-paid time for when I'm 100% nonfunctional...
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