Me: "I had a biopsy on Thursday morning, and I was wondering when I could expect the results on that."
Secretary: "It'll be five to seven business days."
Me: "Um - they told me MONDAY."
Secretary: "They did?"
Me: "Yes. They said MONDAY."
Secretary: "Okay, let me connect you to the nurse."
Me: "Hi! I had a biopsy on Thursday morning, and they told me I'd get the results today."
Nurse: "Well, it's generally 3 to 5 business days."
Me: "Yes, but when I was in there on Friday, they said MONDAY."
Nurse: "They did?"
Nurse: "Okay." *typity typity type* "Okay, you're not in there yet. Let me call Pathology and find out what the status is on that. Is this the best number to call you back?"
Me: "Yes, thank you."
Always I say thank you. Always I am nice.
But for the love of god, all I want to know is if I have fucking cancer so I can fucking BREATHE, so I'm not full-fetal in stasis. So I can settle down and plan, if I do. So I can set it aside and just concentrate on my other medical hell, if I don't. I mean, it's a yes-or-no question. Spill it, people.
Maybe it's just the additional agitation from my side effects, plus my current breathing problems, plus the headache I've had for over a week and a half, plus the not having had a moment's break for a long long time, plus plus plus, but I'm not having a very good day.
EDIT: And if it really is normally five to seven business days? It does not reassure me that they promised mine in two.