June 28th, 2011


Tew's Day

Happy birthday to bodhifox!

State of the 'Song
Enough sleep last night. Ish. Got to bed lateish, but almost entirely slept through the night, so I'm calling it a win. (except now I'm exhausted so maybe not.)

I'll have big news soon about lifechangey things. Stay tuned.

Concerts this week!
Oi, Bostonians!

Marian Call at Pandemonium Thursday!

Strowler artists Sharon Knight, Kellianna, and Wendy Rule at the Lilypad Friday!

Link Soup
* Theodora Goss's Nerd Test.
* james_nicoll's brief recap of America's Next Nobel Laureate: S1E1. Details expanded upon in comments!
* You can kickstart brendandetzner's short story collection.

Daily Science
UC Irvine and French researchers have identified a central switch responsible for the transformation of healthy brain cells into epileptic ones, opening the way to both treat and prevent temporal lobe epilepsy.

You may not get at first sight how HOLY CRAP that is, but go read. HOLY CRAP. Between that and the sodium-channels discovery I posted about recently, epilepsy treatment is going to be changing radically!

Quick swing by the doctor, work, yarn store, summer camp shopping for Elayna, writing most likely napping for me and Sindrian Arts stuff for sindrian. I'm still recovering from the sleep stuff and cannot at this point imagine that I'll want to go to Diesel. I may get to starting The Bind-Off From Hell on the Hemlock Ring blanket tonight. We'll see!
Social Change

Big News

So one of the biggest things in my world lately, which has been pending for a long time:

I gave notice at BARCC yesterday. My last day will be July 8.

This is for so many reasons, and the fact that everything was pointing to "dude, it is time to leave" actually helped make the decision easier. In really brief:

* This is the wrong job in the right movement. Obviously fighting sexual violence is hugely important to me! But the work that I do as staff, as opposed to the work that I do as a volunteer, really does not use my skillset. I can have more energy to do better activism if I'm not, say, being a receptionist.

* My health has been suffering. This is partly due to the stress of an ongoing Thing at work that's hopefully nearing resolution, but not entirely. I spent over half of this winter sick, and I kept going back to work when I should've been home resting, and then I'd relapse...

Okay, I am going to expand on that because it's Important.

When I first applied for the job, when I first started, I'd just gone gluten-free and was feeling so much better than I had the last few years. I was like yay! So much better! I can has job and stuff!

Gradually I've had to confront, more and more, that being better doesn't mean I'm Better. Doing better than I was doesn't mean that I'm healthy. No matter what I do, I will never be well. I will never be fully able-bodied.

That's hard to come to terms with. It's hard to deal with. I have that Superwoman complex. I want to believe I can do anything. I want to shatter my limits. It is very hard to say "I can't". It is very emotionally difficult to accept that I can't count on my body to even do a part-time job reliably. It hurts.

But it is the reality.

I've been coming home and crashing out every afternoon, pretty much. No writing, no hanging with the kid, no reading, no making stuff. When I have a dayjob, the dayjob is all I have. And that hurts everything else.

I asked Adam a while ago if this would be an okay decision to make. He said "The tiny amount of money you make is not worth being miserable."

If that ongoing Thing gets resolved, I am going to continue to volunteer - this activism and this movement and this organization are all still hugely important to me, and I can't imagine that changing. I love this work. But I need to prioritize my health and my state of mind. Hey, I anticipate that my activism will be more effective this way - more time to write for the BARCC blog, and maybe even time to write that book about dismantling rape culture, after Shayara!

So that's where I am. It's not the only big change in my life - but when I've said "my life will be very different by the end of this summer", this is one of the biggest parts of that.

Free Will Astrology

Uncle Rob says: Any minute now, you might start learning at a faster rate than you have since 2000. Any day now, you will be less bored than you have been since 2006, and any week now you will be expressing more spontaneity than you have since early 2010. Any month now, Pisces, you will find yourself able to access more of your visionary intelligence than you have since maybe 2007. What does it all mean? You may not feel an amazing, spectacular, extraordinary degree of personal unity tomorrow, but you will soon begin building toward that happy state. By December I bet you'll be enjoying an unprecedented amount of it.