December 28th, 2010

Figuring shit out

Correcting a Misconception

I think I see a misconception going on in the comments to my "I am starving and frustrated" posts. It is a totally understandable misconception. So I want to make things clearer.

I spend Christmas with my birthfamily.

The family that raised me where we push each other's buttons like whoa, I refer to as my family.

Quick backstory for new kids: I was adopted when I was six weeks old. My birthmom found me when I was four. For the last ten years, we've been visiting her brother and sister-in-law's house with her Christmas week.

I do not have past drama with my birthfamily! So there is no "they keep disrespecting you" thing. That's the family who raised me, to whom I apparently will always be 14 and Trouble.

So everything that happened this year should be judged on this year alone. And it is solely 100% because they did not understand my condition. (I'm pretty sure they still don't get it, but progress has been made.) Remember, last year at this time, I was eating gluten to deliberately fuck up my intestines for a biopsy - and I timed the biopsy the way I did so as not to inconvenience them.

Additional data point: They have never seen me non-glutened, save the first day of our trip. So one thing we were running up against was that I didn't seem much different, so this picky eating thing, what?

Whereas my parents who raised me, who I *do* have the drama with, have actually seen me non-glutened and know how significant the difference is. So even though Dad still says "well, a lot of people who have celiac can have a little gluten" and doesn't really believe me when I tell him that isn't so, he still won't cut things with the same knife, even if he eyerolls like he's humoring me. Because he's seen that it actually makes a difference. I think he just thinks my body is hypersensitive, and it well may be, but I want him in the habit of that level of attention, because he has co-workers with celiac.

So this is not a "that branch of the family sucks", thing. It's just this complete lack of understanding of this thing. I keep running up against the wall of that - I told them about it last year, and I reminded them in e-mail, and I sent links to read. But I think they didn't read them. Which is really frustrating, because when someone I know has a medical or dietary issue that affects my interaction with them, I read up on it. And act on it. Example: I had three cat-allergic people at Thanksgiving. So I scrubbed the house down, but not day-of because that stirs up dander. And I asked how allergic each of them are, since I know one is fine as long as she doesn't touch the cats and touch her face right after; one was so allergic that the cats couldn't be in the same room, so I moved them upstairs with food and a litterbox for the duration. To me, that is what you do.

I don't know where the disconnect is.

But yeah, this is Frustration for me, not Rage. Because this is this one bizarre isolated thing that is nonetheless really important. I think if they saw me well even once they'd get it. I hope. Because otherwise they're awesome.

Tew's Day

Hello to new reader witchway!

State of the 'Song
Recovering from glutening. Cranky. Homesick.

Things I Am Missing in Boston Today
Work. Seeing friends at Diesel. Margaret Ronald's reading at Pandemonium. As always, my cats.

The Effects of Being at Stately Ravensnatch Manor
That is what felisdemens calls my parents' house. Stately Ravensnatch Manor. Yep.

* As I noted previously, my sister and her husband have moved back in. So with them, my parents, Elayna, Adam, and me, that is... too many people. For serious.
* And they watch bad television super-loud all the time and it makes me twitch.
* As a side effect of too many people, my parents now go extra apeshit if anything is left on a table for more than 10 seconds.
* Since there are too many people for me to sit in the living room, I sit in the parlor to knit. NO ONE IS SUPPOSED TO BE IN THE PARLOR EVER. My parents twitch every time they walk by and see me there. Dad fiddles with the lights while looking at me out of the corner of his eye. Mom stares at my knitting on the couch whenever I get up for a cup of coffee. I AM DISTURBING THE ORDER OF THE UNIVERSE BY BEING IN THE PARLOR YOU GUYS.
* Negative effects of this place on me include feeling contrary and combative over leaving a ball of yarn out, and weighing myself frequently. This is why I don't have scales all over my house like they have here. Eight years of ballet and many years after of loss of control/control-freak-ness = eating-disorder 'song and I cannot see a damn scale and not get on and have an interior flail over whatever the number is this time. Do not want. And yes, I'm pretty sure my mother is anorexic; no, not just because of all of the scales.

Link Soup
* Six animals humanity accidentally made way scarier.
* The Parable of the Snow.
* I just love that Serious Eats posted a recipe for Bagna Cauda, which I'd previously only heard of on Babylon 5. We are one step closer to a B5 dinner party.
* Read this. Because yes.

Daily Science
Tel Qudadi, an ancient fortress located in the heart of Tel Aviv at the mouth of the Yarkon River, was first excavated more than 70 years ago ― but the final results of neither the excavations nor the finds were ever published. Now, research on Tel Qudadi by archaeologists at Tel Aviv University has unpeeled a new layer of history, indicating that there is much more to learn from the site, including evidence that links ancient Israel to the Greek island of Lesbos.

Oh hell I don't know. Stuff. I'm going to go for a walk. The do Arisia lit track management. Probably then reading and knitting. There's nowhere I can go here to shut the door and write. On the plus side, I get to see enderfem and possibly maxymyllyn later! Adam will make us mushroom risotto!