November 15th, 2009

Katchoo - Terry Moore

Yeah, this problem again.

I need to find a way to bring money into this house that doesn't rule out doing all of the other things I'm doing.

For all that I've had a few crazybusy weeks lately, I actually have a pretty good work/life balance. It's just that the work doesn't pay anything.

We can't help feeling that me getting a job would take a lot away from the family, and probably from my health. It would improve my state of mind to be bringing money in, but it would be difficult for me to not have time for important stuff.

I juggle quite a few doctor appointments in any given month. I have the primary care doc when necessary, but I have regular appointments with the neurologist and rheumatologist, irregular appointments with the allergist, rare appointments with the pulmonologist, and I really should check in with a cardiologist. And now I'll have a gastroenterologist. Yeah, I've been feeling healthier than I've been in some time, but that takes work. *wry smile* And I really only manage this because my schedule is so flexible.

I have BARCC, which is vitally important to me. And again - flexible schedule.

I'm able to be home in the afternoons for Elayna, which I find invaluable.

And, you know, there is the writing of stuff. And any number of other things; I take on a lot because it needs to get done and I can fit chunks of stuff in between other stuff.

And I still do have fatigue ranging unpredictably from manageable to insurmountable.

My life works because I have few commitments outside the home, and I make my own schedule on those commitments, for the most part. I fear that if I give up half of my time, shit is gonna snowball - I fear that the fatigue will prevent me from doing any of the other things I need to be doing.

I am just winging a fervent hope out into the world for a job I can do from home or make my own schedule on, something flexible enough to work with my health. Or for me to just figure something out. There has to be something.

EDIT: I should mention something that compounds the finding-work thing.

I don't have a college degree. Indeed, I do not even have a high school diploma. "Residential treatment centers" and "wilderness survival programs" meant that I really only had about a year and a half of high school. The school credit they were supposed to assign never materialized. I found out at the end of my senior year that I wouldn't be graduating; I had the choice of staying in Utah and doing a second and maybe third senior year, or getting out and just getting my GED. I chose the latter. When I had Elayna (at age 21), I went to community college, but had to leave when I got a job, as I couldn't manage work + single parenthood + school.

Factors beyond my control, yeah, but there's still a certain amount of shame there. So I don't talk about it a whole lot. My guys have seen me cry over this.

It is worthy of note, though, because it helps to explain why finding non-retail work is difficult. Most positions in my skillset require a degree. Which is why I have such fierce hopes for BARCC: since I've been working with them for two years, they know I can do the job, and I do not believe my lack of degree will be a sticking point at all.
  • Current Mood
    paying bills
We're good. Yes we are.

On the brighter side

I have been getting a considerable amount of stuff done. On time and well. Which I'm not always - not often! - all that good at. But I've been juggling a bunch of major commitments that all came due within a few weeks, and I've also been doing my damnedest to research celiac and totally overhaul the kitchen and pantry.Thanksgiving planning is ticking along. $WINTERHOLIDAY travel planning is slow going because I must rely upon other people to make it happen, but I'm liaising. And I'm finding ways to make this an inexpensive-but-still-awesome $WINTERHOLIDAY. All of the IAF auctions are drafted and ready to go. I'm poised to jump on Arisia scheduling tomorrow; I'd be doing it today, but today's the deadline, so I want to wait til the deadline ticks past.

I have big new BARCC stuff, too. Five of us have a Clothesline Project subcommittee and have a lot of great ideas going on (I'd like to hold my shirtmaking a week from today; am waiting to hear about supply donation). And three of us are going to be writing an official BARCC blog. Which is not as much additional work as it sounds, because it's one post per week per contributor, and it's the sort of stuff I'll be writing for the book anyway.

So I've got a lot of "Bam! Stuck the landing! Next?" going on. A lot of that high of being on top of everything I need to be on top of.

Which is why previous-post stuff is kicking my ass even more than usual. I'm like "Yes! I am balanced and energized and capable!" and then I look at the checkbook and am like "Yep, and broke, and I may have to say goodbye to that feeling."

I will try to figure out how to get started freelance writing/proofreading/et cetera. I will try to find a way. Because I finally don't feel like I'm drowning anymore, get-stuff-done-wise.

We have watched "Doctor Who: The Waters of Mars".

And we will be doing a family roundtable review tomorrow night. I wanted to do it now! But Adam and Elayna are still processing. They're getting all academic up on this in the other room. Analysis is happening.

Spoiler-free version: whoa that was dark. And the ending had us going "oh craaaaap....", and we can't wait for Christmas Day and "The End of Time".