June 12th, 2008

Julia - XanaDuMalion

Thor's Day

Medical
So yeah. Bad body day yesterday (took extra Robaxin). Bad body night last night, with me cramped over and hobbling. Today is back to yesterday levels, which is still Not Good; were this any other week,I'd be curling up in bed all day today. But I gotta go walk a mile again. At least it's cooler out today.

So my big body battle at the training is that I hurt, but if I take adequate meds, I'll be nodding off even more than I - accustomed to daily naps - already am. Something to discuss with the trainer.

Today
Working with Adolescents. Suicidality. Childhood Sexual Assault & Incest. Impact of RCC and Crisis Work. This is the day I've been dreading all week,because I know it's going to dredge up childhood stuff and also hit me as a mom (fortunately, Elayna has never had anything like this happen to her, but I have friends whose daughters have been assaulted).

Daily Science
A team of physicists has claimed that our view of the early Universe may contain the signature of a time before the Big Bang.

The discovery comes from studying the cosmic microwave background (CMB), light emitted when the Universe was just 400,000 years old. Their model may help explain why we experience time moving in a straight line from yesterday into tomorrow.


Tonight
Resource people = caulay and mllelaurel. Anyone can come over - we're going to order pizza and watch DVDs until I crash out. 7:00. (Lily, see if Tory knows about this?)

I go.
  • Current Music
    Jenny Lewis & The Watson Twins - Rise Up With Fists!!!
Typewriter - tell me about it

Today

We'll get the bad out of the way first: today's training was even harder on me than I expected. And I expected it to be really hard on me. It was expecting it to be emotionally difficult, yes,but I wasn't expecting to dissociate through much of the afternoon. Which is notpart of my normal. At all.

This whole week has wrenched my perspective around. I've lived this stuff one step at a time, present into new-present. This week has finally turned me around and let me see the past - has shown it to me reframed with the knowledge and experience I'd developed independently. Showed me just how fucked up things were, and *why* they were fucked up, and how the upfuckery was connected, in sometimes surprising/shocking ways. To put it better - I experienced the stuff in question as a child and adolescent. I'm just now really looking at it as an adult, and seeing stuff that I could not have seen as a child/adolescent.

That's coming out tangled. It was a bad day for my brain. Will try again next week.

The other bad thing is that Adam and I keep playing voicemail tag; we're always in a session (he's at an edutech thing in SF) when the other one calls. I miss my husband. I need my husband.

The good stuff:
* Talked to feste_sylvain a few times today, which was very grounding.
* With judicious application of muscle relaxants, my fibro pain was much more tolerable today.
* So I got to take a walk home,listening to music.
* Mail call: Necklaces from cissa and parrish_relics for the Blogathon auction! And Wyrding Studios loot for me - my recent gift tomyself, plus June's Shiny of the Month (an elaborate pendant of several sorts of pearls that I've named "Spire" for its central stick pearl), plus a cute wee freebie in copper wire (which will match my cane). :)
* Phone call with maxymyllyn - always good when I'm in a difficult state of mind.
* Will have dinner and silly-movie-watching with mllelaurel. And early to bed.

What I am telling myself, and anyone who'll listen, is that I am in superhero training. I am. I'm one of 24 people who, after tomorrow, will be certified to get you through any crisis related in just about any way to rape or sexual assault. To meet you at the hospital in your hour of greatest need and be your advocate. To educate the hell out of this entire generation and the next one, with the goal of the cessation of rape. Not just to hold you when you fall apart. This week is about giving us the tools to put you back together - and teaching us how to help you use them.

It's fucking hard. This whole week.

But it's worth it.
  • Current Music
    Rilo Kiley - Wires And Waves