Scheherazade in Blue Jeans

So you know how my entire adult relationship with my parents is based on silence and lack of acknowledgment of the past?

Broke the silence this morning to inquire as to their reasoning re: putting me in the wilderness survival camp.

Not a good idea.

So yeah. I might be coming home earlier than expected. And I might be bringing Elayna.

Points raised (by me):

* "I'm sorry you feel that way" is not an apology, it's a way of placing the blame on the other person, and had it been me saying that to them, they would not have viewed it as an apology either.
* Likewise, "I'm sorry you think it was a mistake" is not the same as "It was a mistake."
* "You seem to have turned out pretty well" = not a point in your favor, Dad; this was in spite of you, not because of you. This is because I've spent my entire adult life slowly, deliberately, painfully unlearning all the behaviors you people taught me so that I could be not a shitty parent to my own child. (Corollary: You point out that she's so much better behaved and so much happier than I was at her age? Gee, I wonder why.)

I don't feel like typing anymore. Just - I need to decide if it's better to leave Elayna here (pro: camp she loves) or take her back with me (con: my parents).

So Mom came in and started crying and finally fucking apologized.

And Dad popped his head in and asked if we were ready to go swimming yet.

And that sums up Life With My Parents. "That visceral emotional thing? Did not just happen. Let's go swimming and pretend we're not seething on the inside!"

So. I don't know. I'm exhausted from crying. I'm leaning toward leaving Elayna here because camp starts *tomorrow* and she's been looking forward to it all year and... I don't know.

And I will discuss future options with Elayna.

This... has not *changed* anything. Nothing will ever change anything. I got them to be real for about an hour. And now they're busily repaving the whole Incident in their heads, and by tomorrow, nothing will have happened this morning. Always has been that way. Always will be.

I am a fucking alien here, I swear.

* I will be okay. I will be staying through my podiatrist appointment tomorrow. After that? Don't know. I'm going to talk to Elayna and try to gauge whether she was really looking forward to me staying all week.

* Sorry for ignoring everyone on AIM, but I was only on to discuss Matters of Import with Adam.

* I'll be hanging out with enderfem today/tonight. Thing I need most is to be away from my family. Being with a hot lawyer chick is just a bonus!

* Remember, KoLers, NS13 kicks off at rollover tonight! Behold - The Haiku'ers Guide to NS13.

* I will post another of the Shayara fictionbits. Telenias (slightly) before he was Telenias.

* No doubt there will be more Deep Thoughts later. For now, must go shower so as to be all pretty for enderfem.

She raged, as he’d known she would. “You’re just going to go?”

“It is my duty.”

“Bullshit. Bullshit. You have no duty to anyone but yourself.”

“I know it’s like that for you, love. Not for me. Gods, Katrina – do you know what an honor this is? Only two Dasaroi in all the world are ever chosen for this. This is… a position just below Lishaya, and unlike Lishaya, it is one for which one is chosen.”

She sat on his bed, shoving his duffel bag aside. “So you’re the fucking chosen one. You’re summoned to fucking tourney. Where does that leave me?”

“I’ll be back, Katrina.”

“You don’t know that. This Martin guy didn’t come back.”

“I will.”

“Take me with you.”

He stopped, taken aback by the change in her tone – from fury to a simple, childlike plea. “I can’t.”

“Why not?”

He set the shirt he’d been folding on his suitcase and knelt before her. She bowed her head, waves of deep-gold hair falling around her face. He pushed her hair back, took her face in his hands, forced himself to confront the misery in her storm-grey eyes. “It is… a lengthy initiation process. Becoming Telenias. There are things that must be done that could not be done if I brought any… attachments. With me.” She made a disgusted sound, tried to push his hands aside. “Katrina. Love. Not everyone survives.”

She looked up at him, shocked. “What? How –“

“There have been suicides.” He forced himself to stillness. “I am chosen for my strength. My mental resilience.”

“How can they do this?”

“Because it is necessary.”

“Bullshit –“

“Katrina.”

“What?”

He took a deep breath. “I want you to behave as if I will not return.”

“You said you would,” she said quietly.

“I believe that I will.”

“Then why?”

“Because… they may be wrong. This may break me. And even if they’re right… it will change me, Katrina. I will not be the person you know anymore. Not entirely.”

She shook her head. “This is crazy.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I love you.”

“I love you, too. You know I do. But I have no choice.”

She stood, arms wrapped around herself. “You always have a choice.”

He studied her for a long moment. “I choose to do what my House requires of me. And now it is your turn to choose.”

She radiated anger, confusion, resentment – but she did not speak. She glared at him in silent reproach… and turned and stalked out of his apartment, slamming the door behind her. He felt her, the bright-burning flame of her, as she walked away. And he prayed to the gods above and below that she would stay away. He could no longer allow himself the luxury of love.

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<lj user="enderfem"> and I are Dangerous together.

<lj user="chemokitty"> is not a stabilizing influence. :)

We are making a yam pony.

We have been using "yam pony" in almost every sentence for like two hours now, and staunchly believe that it is the most hilarious phrase evar.

Yam pony.

(No alcohol has gone into this.)