June 4th, 2007

Katchoo - Terry Moore


So okay. Stuff. For those who missed my big stompy fit earlier.

* Still crazy 'bout half the time ("Only half?" Yes, yes, pipe down) from the Cymbalta withdrawal. This is a biggie.
* Have stuff I've been asking for help with for months, that I'm physically incapable of doing myself, that no one is helping with.
* Seriously escalating pain levels approaching unrelenting disability in feet.
* Kid issues. Have been asked by kid not to delve into this fully, and will respect that. Suffice to say that she has been acting all crazylike her ownself. (And no, the friend isn't moving, though whether the friend told her that or not, I don't know, and there was too much Other Stuff going on tonight to get further into it.)
* Girl Scout troop leader issues.
* Sex/relationship... not issues, because there are no problems with any existing relationships, except that I don't get to see Spooky or Trey near enough. But - there is a schism between what I have and what is best for me, and I've been trying to sort that out, but that's *difficult*, for a variety of reasons.
* Not bringing money in really bugs me. I've been unemployed for a little over a year now.
* Writerbrain is overwhelming me, and... dude, if I could keep stuff straight in my own head long enough to manage to start my own business, I'd be *able* to do a job, and I'm not.
* This is the time of year on Sprockets when craziness happens. Spent my early adolescence repeatedly trying to kill myself late May/early June. Add to that the rape, which was thirteen years ago tomorrow - so, y'know, at least the crazy is consolidated. If I'm looking for small favors. And some years that anniversary is worse than others. It's pretty bad this year - probably because of all of the above factors throwing me off my axis, particularly that first one. Never underestimate profound chemical upfuckery.

So. Small stuff, which I've not bothered to list, is making me crazy. Big stuff is making me crazier.

So. What can be done about this? Not freakin' much.
* Need to see a doctor about the Cymbalta and pain stuff. Will call tomorrow.
* This was the last meeting this year of this troop. She's not re-upping. She's joining the other troop in town, which has several of her other good friends in it.
* Elayna has a more specific plan for the rest of this year's projects.

*rubs eyes* I don't know. I don't know what else. I don't think I have a chance in hell of managing anything else til I'm done with the Cymbalta withdrawal, and I have NO clue when that will be.

Where is my "fast forward" button?
SillyMe - Photognome


Happy birthday to azurelunatic, trouvera, and zeppo!

Hello to new readers fireriven, l_l_u_w_d, and peanutsmom1!

Right, well, that was a bit of a rollercoaster. I'm glad I've got it all narrowed down to causes, though.
Bit of shoulder and upper back pain today, in addition to the foot and hand stuff.

The Croatia project is as finished as it's going to be. The visuals, anyway. She has no time to make a costume, so *that* extra credit point is out the window, but she has music, and if I can find anise, she'll have food (cookies), so that's extra credit. And I think she has everything on her board that she needs.

I really wish she'd gotten more into the project, as she was initially fascinated by what she was learning about Croatia, but then sort of forgot about it and let it languish. In the future, there will be project time every day til the project is done. Keep the momentum up.

Her other projects: Report on Alice Hoffman, something additional with her biography project (flyer's unclear), and something to do with the environment. She wasn't actually given any guidelines on that. So I think that I shall try to find her something re: the ocean, as that's what engages her attention most.

I was half having flashbacks last night, to my own middle school years. Dear gods, I do not want to be my mother.

Oooh, shiny.
I want to try these chocolates! (It's catvalente's fault!)

Fascinating Lego sculptures.

The true story ("True story!"), maybe?
Interesting and well-researched theory behind the recent SixApart debacle.

Personally, I'm staying on LJ because this is where my community is. I blog just as much to connect with my friends, including friends I've not yet met, as I do for myself. Blogger, TypePad, Wordpress... would not do that for me.

I have a permanent account (have had it for four years now, wow!), so I can't vote with my wallet. I do intend to write a letter, though.

What's been said a lot, but deserves reiteration - when SixApart bought LJ, they did not buy a product, a platform. They bought a community. And that's what they're going to have to contend with. We like being a community. We will resist attempts to make money off us, to change the place some of us regard as a second home.

Daily Science
A rare soft-shell turtle thought to be on the brink of extinction has been discovered in Cambodia in a former stronghold of the Khmer Rouge, conservationists said Wednesday. A 24-pound female Cantor's giant turtle — known for its rubbery skin and jaws powerful enough to crush bone — was captured and released by researchers in March, U.S.-based Conservation International and World Wildlife Fund said in a statement.

Scientists from the two groups and Cambodian wildlife officials discovered the animal and a nesting ground during a survey in Cambodia's Mekong River region. "We thought it might be almost gone, but found it in abundance in this one pristine stretch of the Mekong, making the area the world's most important site for saving this particular species," David Emmett, a CI wildlife biologist, said in the statement.


Daily BPAL
Convergence XIII exclusives! Thanks again, chris_walsh, for braving the hordes of squeeing, great-smelling fangirls to get these for me. :)

Does anyone local have decanting supplies? I want to decant an imp of each scent and start a sniffie circle, so those of you who wouldn't otherwise have access to these scents without paying eBay prices can try them out.

I'm not swapping yet! Not until I start the sniffie circle. No calling dibs. :)

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Today: Catch up on 500+ e-mails? Date with My Tallest tonight.
Tuesday: Checking out Elayna's geography fair, coffee with norda, then Diesel.
Wednesday: Elayna's HPV vaccine, then I go for coffee with Ro.
Thursday: Checking out Elayna's Biography Showcase. Haircuts for everybody! Rushing over straight from school. mizarchivist in the evening?
Friday: I get to spent the rest of my Mother's Day spa giftcard on a manicure & pedicure if I am a good girl and get my recommended exercise this week. *nods* EDIT: Also now apointment with primary care doc.

Assume that I am either writing or doing house-stuff wherever you see a gap in that schedule. If the schedule opens, it'll likely only be for felisdemens, as she's only in town for a week.

Having a clear plan of Stuff To Do is what I need this week, what's best for me. No time for curling up into a ball. Push through it.
  • Current Music
    The Mighty Mighty Bosstones - That Bug Bit Me
Strangely comfortable

Picture of the Day

These are the books Adam found left out for the garbage men last week.

Seriously. I love trash day in college towns.

That's Jack atop the stack. He seems to be preparing to cast Magic Missile.
  • Current Music
    The Cure - Hello I Love You
  • Tags
We've done the impossible...

(no subject)

It has been said that all prayers are basically "please" or "thank you".


*closes eyes*


EDIT: Well, the answer isn't "no"; it's either "yes" or "kinda". And... I am jumping at every ring of the phone and compulsively checking e-mail. I really hope I hear soon. This isn't good for me! *fidget*
  • Current Music
    Flogging Molly - The Seven Deadly Sins
Writing - XanaDuMalion


The answer to that prayer is something resembling yes.

See, this is the thing: I was told at my interview for the Boston Area Rape Crisis Center that we should know "by the end of next week". Which is now several days ago, and no word. So I sent a tentative, cheerful poke along the lines of hoping I'd see them in training next week, and if they could let me know, that would be awesome. E-mailed the volunteer coordinator, cc-ed the person who interviewed me - the head of the public speaking division that I'm most interested in.

No response from the main coordinator yet - but I did get a response from my interviewer. She says the coordinator's still agonizing over decisions - 30+ applicants for 15 training slots. But she asked me if I'd be interested in joining their fledgling Speaker's Bureau. "I just thought that since there is such a high number of applicants for a small number of slots and since you seem so enthusiastic and energized to contribute/participate, I would present you with this idea, too. Would you let me know what you think?"

She says that I can do both this (visiting high schools and colleges, mostly, recounting my experience, raising awareness) and the CAPS program ("interactive tabling events, provide presentations/workshops", etc). But... with the volunteer coordinator facing tough decisions, I think this is kinda a "we really want you, but if you bow out and take this instead, you can train in August".

So, y'know, being me, I agonized. If I say yes to the Speaker's Bureau position, am I taking myself out of the running for CAPS and the June training? Or am I making myself a more desirable applicant?

And I sat and I fussed, and... I realized that it doesn't matter. It's not a no. They do want me. No matter what, I will be part of this; I will step out there and tell my story and make a difference.

So I replied, saying basically that yes, my ideal is both - but that yes, I'm very interested in the Speaker's Bureau position.

So. Yes.


It's not exactly what I planned. But it comes with fewer commitments - CAPS requires twice-monthly meetings on top of the speaking engagements, and the Speaker's Bureau doesn't. And with my body the way it is... I would be okay with not going out to twice-monthly meetings. And it gives me the opportunity to ease into things, instead of jumping in with both feet. Speaker's Bureau for a few months, then a damn good chance of getting into the August training.

Hi, I'm 'song. I'm a survivor of rape and sexual assault. I will not be invisible. I will not be silent. This is what awareness is: I will not allow people to quietly pretend rape doesn't exist, that they've never met, will never meet, someone whose life has been broken by something they thought was no big deal.

Thirteen years and thousands of miles, stories and songs and loves and an amazing child... in a way, I'm only thirteen years old tomorrow.