September 4th, 2006

Hearth

(no subject)

Posted details about the hospital stay here.

Wrote about what my seizures feel like from the inside here.

Am sitting here with the knowledge that they're going to provoke seizure after seizure.

Just sitting here and breathing.

At the end of a massage, manifestress always says to just be there and feel how it feels to be in your body. And that's what I'm doing right here, right now. I am at my kitchen table with a cup of coffee, a Transmetropolitan trade paperback, my list of things to do, a pile of stuff that needs tending. I am sitting here, legs crossed in what we used to call Indian style back before political correctness.

I am sitting here and breathing. I am sitting in the center of my fear. I am acknowledging said fear. Not frantically trying to shove it away; that makes it worse. I'm sitting here with it and acknowledging it, acknowledging that it has the right to be here.

I will be okay.

I will move through the big scary thing, I will move through my fear, and I will be okay.
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Hearth

Slow Monday

Quote via manifestress, reprinted here because it reminds me of Spooky:

She is a friend of mind. She gather me, man. The pieces I am, she gather them and give them back to me in all the right order. It's good, you know, when you got a woman who is a friend of your mind.
~ Toni Morrison, Beloved


Yeah. It's good.

Other than that... today has been a slow day. Elayna has used this day primarily to display new aspects of teenager-attitude to her woozy mama. At one point, I had to call Adam in because I was not conscious enough to continue the argument; fortunately, she took that alone as A Bad Sign and backed off.

Why the attitude? She was instructed to clean her room. Elayna, while generally an atypical child, shares the universal kid "don't WANNA clean my room" thing, so there was much resistance. Creative resistance. Unyielding resistance. Which was finally conquered only by me essentially ignoring her, turning her planned verbal duel into a whiny and repetitive soliloquy. She finally tapered off, glared at me, and said "You're not listening to me!"

My response, calmly: "I am listening to you. It's just that you aren't saying anything new. You're just rehashing things I've already responded to. I do not have the energy today to keep repeating myself. Let me know if you come up with something new."

Elayna proceeded to flounce off in a huff, put on my Tori Amos CD... and clean her room.

And yes, she and I are totally fine now.

Mmm. Other than that... I once again slept for much of the day. I was only barely awake during the argument. And it looks like I have a slight fever. Not enough to worry about, just enough to explain the continued wooziness.

Spoke to Mom. She and Spooky are sharing a cab from the airport.

Yes. My mother and my girlfriend are sharing a cab.

No, my mother doesn't know that she's my girlfriend.

Yeah, this is gonna be an interesting week.

And Mom has declared her intentions of sleeping on the airbed... in Elayna's room. So now Elayna's glad she cleaned! And glad that she's having a sleepover with Grandma.

Elayna isn't nervous about this week. I told her I'd be fine, and she accepts that completely. She doesn't know about the risk of status epilepticus. I'll tell her after. Many years after.

Her first school dance is Friday. *wistful smile* I told her she has to come straight from there to the hospital, so she can tell me all about it!

missakins lent me a spare DVD player and a stack of DVDs; texmorgan sent another stack of DVDs, a bag of coffee, and two containers of cookies! Half my suitcase will be taken up by media. :)

I'm going to stop rambling now.
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    tired tired
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Everyone here is a crazy person.

Life with the Gojirawitzes

'song finds a massive grammar fuckup on a site that should know better, and points it out to Adam and Elayna, who are properly horrified. The crowd disperses.

Adam, in his office: "Where'd you find that?"

'song: "[Site]." 'song putters around for a bit, then gets suspicious. "Wait a minute. You can't blog that! It's my Daily Science for tomorrow! You'll spoil it!"

Adam: "This isn't science. It's grammar."

'song: "But it's in my Daily Science."

Adam: "Okay, well, you can blog about the science, but not the grammar."

'song: "It's mine! I found it! I showed you!"

Adam: "But it's not science."

Elayna: "It is science. It's biology. Biology is the study of life and living things."

Adam: "Yes, but there's grammar there, too."

Elayna: "It's science."

'song: "Yeah."

Adam: "Okay, well - I get to blog about it, too. I already have a subject line."

'song, mollified: "Okay. After I post it."
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    accomplished accomplished