May 2nd, 2006

Hearth

Tew's Day

Administration
Happy birthday to seanhtaylor!

Medical
The usual. Yesterday's brainfog lasted retty much all day; I'm going to go for a walk soon in hopes of burning through the meds.

Flickr
Is there a way to upload more than six pictures a freakin' month? And to do it quickly? There must be, or you guys wouldn't all be using them, right? Teach me! I might like to do a photo-a-day thing, and I like the way Flickr essentially gives you a friendslist, but I'm not willing to pay for something I may not get much use out of.

I'm Shadesong there, too, of course, but the only pics currently up are ones you've already seen. Skydive ones. Was also thinking I could use Flickr as a way to share pics with the family.

Typecasting
Me to mgrasso: "I think I like [mutual friend]."
mgrasso: "Well, he is your type."
Me, blinky, since [mutual friend] does not match my classical Type: "And what, pray tell, is my type?"
mgrasso: "Beard and long hair."

Me: *pause*

I guess that's become one of my types. (I've described my classic types, boy version, as "tall, slender, tortured-mage type" and "built like Fenris".) 2006 version. It's funny - all my life, I'd never kissed a boy with a beard before mightywombat in 2002, but most of my guys since have had, if not a full beard, at least a goatee.

mightywombat converted me! Warped my brainmeats. The bastage.

Which is not to say I'm not still attracted to clean-shaven guys; I very much am, and two of the guys on my Very Secret List are indeed clean-shaven...

([Mutual friend] also continues the 2006-version type by very clearly fitting the physical characteristics of a Dasaroi House... in his case, Narsan. (The Craftsman looks not-unlike the Telenias.))

And the little plastic castle is a surprise every time
The short-term memory loss is very irksome. I discovered yesterday that I'm unable to hold onto the threads of a CSI plot when

a) I'm watching alone, and
b) there's more than one crime to solve.

I'm okay with just one. But when there's switching, I forget who's on what case.

I'm okay when I'm watching it with Adam - because we crosstalk through each episode like we do with Jeopardy. It keeps the information fresh.
  • Current Mood
    awake awake
Hearth

Operation Freefall: Why I Jumped

I'm not a daredevil by nature. I've never bungee jumped; I've never even skiied. I don't even like roller coasters.

So why did I decide to jump out of a plane two miles off the ground?

Because I was afraid to.

When you're raped, your world gets smaller. The rapist is gone, but his legacy remains - a legacy of fear. It is terrible and all-encompassing - it forms a wall. A cage. And it's so easy to just give in to despair, to stay in the cage. I fought against it from the very beginning. The fear of sex - I knew how much that could close me in, so I managed to get back in the saddle, so to speak, within a week. My rapist grabbed me off the street during an evening walk. It would be easy to allow that fear to cage me - to never walk alone, or to only walk at night. But I got past that. Because if I didn't.... he would still own that part of me. And I won't let him.

When I got the e-mail from RAINN telling me about Operation Freefall, I scoffed. "That is just batshit crazy," I said, and I put it aside. Now, I'm not a slacker when it comes to raising money for RAINN - I've averaged $1,700 a year over the past three years, just from Blogathon and other initiatives. I do my part. I did not have to do this to make me feel like I was doing my part for the cause.

But I looked at it, and I thought about it, and I asked myself why I wasn't doing it. And what came out was "I'm scared", and "I can't do that."

And... I won't allow that. I won't allow "I can't" in my life. Because I can damn well do anything I set my mind to - there's no reason why I can't.

And I will not be the sort of person who allows her life to be ruled by fear. I will not be a person who shies away from the hard stuff. I will not be a person who makes decisions based on her fear.

Not just because I'm a rape survivor.

Because I am raising a child, and children learn what they live. It is my responsibility to be what I want my daughter to become. Part of that is living without fear. And part of it is, as I have always told her, "We do whatever we can to help other people, whenever we can."

I'm not rich. So charity work doesn't = me giving lots of money... I can't.

What I have is my voice. What I have is a way with words - a way of reaching over 800 people.

And damned if jumping out of an airplane isn't an attention-getter.

Saturday's skydive was one of the most incredible and powerful experiences of my life. And I didn't do it because I was seeking thrills - I did it because I would not allow fear to have a home within me, or within my daughter. And, most importantly, I did it to raise money for other rape survivors. For the hotline to call when it happens to you, your sister, your daughter. For programs to educate the police, the hospitals. For a support system for these people who need support so very much, so that they'll know that they do not have to dwell in fear. That there is a way through this, that there is another side. That they are not alone. That there is help.

I stood on the precipice on Saturday, looked out into the enormity of the sky and earth, and committed the greatest act of faith and trust possible.

I did it for them.

Operation Freefall is still accepting pledges through May 19. Do this for them. Be there for them. You don't even have to jump out of a plane. :)

Just click here.


Thank you.
Boondock/can't believe

Life with 'song and Adam

We're working on the Comics Project... right now, I'm alphabetizing and he's filing (and pulling the crap).

So I'm working on a pile from one of the older boxes, and Adam sees me just stop and stare, blinking. I give him a long-suffering look. He looks at what I'm holding.

Dracula vs. Zorro.

I'm not kidding. Dracula vs. Zorro.

He looks back up at me. "Like you're not curious who'd win."

Actually? I'm not.

Back to the comic mines. In this stratum: Dreadstar, Excalibur (vol. 1), and Ministry of Space #1...


EDIT: puppetmaker40, if Peter was wondering who the one person who bought Marc Hazzard: Merc was? It was Adam.
  • Current Mood
    geeky geeky