April 7th, 2006

Welcome home

(no subject)

Martin set the tea down in front of me, then went back to fetch his own. "They were not heroes," he said quietly, over his shoulder.


He brought his tea to the table, sat down, and regarded me intently. "They were not heroes," he repeated. "What you need to see, Sara, is that... all martyrs are beautiful in retrospect. Every tragic early death gains this, this... romantic quality. And, in the case of Kellen and Crystal - considering how they died - a patina of legend. In the minds and hearts of the survivors, they become far nobler than they were in life - Kellen, a guardian, a paladin; Crystal, a warrior bride. That is not how it happened. That is not who they were. They were *people* - nothing more, nothing larger. Terribly foolish and fallible people. All the rest is embellishment. All the rest is a group of people trying desperately to make sense of something far larger than themselves, and using fallen friends as icons, elevating them to demigod status in their minds. Because otherwise it doesn't make sense. Thing is, Sara - sometimes things just do not make sense, will not make sense; some things are meant to be bigger than us. And sometimes... sometimes there are no heroes."

(no subject)

I circle around my past - reach, grasp, pull in like a blanket. Tentative touches on moments long-lost and people recovered - "I was there."

And the touch back - yes. you were there. Yes, you matter, mattered; yes, you are held in memory. Fly in amber.

I stand in the center of the circle, trailing my hand along all points - Jeff to other Jeff to Newt and Grey to...

And I don't know if that's normal at all - moebius strip, time loop, Klein bottle, the need to be in touch with my entire life at all times. Know myself by knowing who I was and where I've been, not just who I am now, not just who I'm becoming. All times at once.

I'm not so much with the sleeping tonight.
  • Current Mood
    pensive pensive


*sets the "___ Days Since Our Last Seizure" sign back to "0"*

Wearing: One of Kires's old t-shirt, Happy Bunny panties... reading: still Dhalgren. Planning: my disability phone interview is this afternoon. Which has me nervous to the point of more nausea than usual.

Writing - XanaDuMalion

Friday Audience Participation

And this is a serious question, though funny answers are okay as well - just be aware that this is, in fact, research. :)

About cons.

What are your favorite sorts of panels? Imagine your ideal con schedule - what would you be attending?

And the biggie: If you could request a panel on absolutely anything, what would you request?

EDIT: Subset: If there's anything specific that you'd like to see me in particular talk about on a panel, tell me. :)
Sick Hippo


The disability interview went just fine... the person was quite helpful and easy to talk to. Next step = bringing in my birth certificate and signing medical release forms, which will be done next week. And she gave me a good idea of What Happens Next, which is important to me - settles my brain down, shows me a clear path, gives me a timeline.

One less thing to have my brain agonizing over. Go team me!

I think it was driving Elayna crazy to be away from the phone for that long. She's jumped right back on it. Such a teenager!

(New readers: The icon is of my sick hippo. Because my seizure focus is my left hippocampus. Poor sick hippo sending electrical storms across my brain...)
  • Current Mood
    relieved relieved