April 5th, 2006


Observations from Google

* Wow. One of my high-school friends has not aged well at all. *peers at the photo again* Woooow. *wince* Sorry, dude.

* My first ex-husband is finally Googleable (he was always a bit of a technophobe). With e-mail address! So I may soon be back in contact with him. That would be nifty. :)

* Another of my high-school friends may have become a raving anti-gay-marriage conservative. Which sucks. But... it's Utah. One can never really be surprised when one's Utah friends Get Religion and the associated conditions. Just sucks.

I am stepping the hell away from Google right now. I am just obsessed with tracing my history, and the points of divergence, and the roads others followed when we parted...
  • Current Mood
    nostalgic nostalgic

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On a side note: who do you call when the unthinkable happens, when the foundation of the world shifts, when everything goes plaid? I have discovered that, after Adam, I call kires.

Good to know, really. Good to have some sort of structure.
  • Current Mood
    calm calm
Welcome home

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All the nights are strange when you're like this, all time is no-time, but this night is even weirder than most, this night where he has been seen. He is usually invisible, especially in that crowd, everyone bright and loud and peacocky, everyone fighting for center stage, and him sitting in the back of the room, quiet, the sole inhabitant of an ice-edged world, not sure why he's there - but she saw him, this strange little girl Jason picked up, and now he's feeling off-balance. They walked to Darryl and Christine's, six of them, and hard as Jason was working on her, she stayed between him and Jason, kept looking up at him, big eyes, up on their conversation but quiet in her own way, not straying far from him, and why?

She shares a chair with him, strange little girl with her big eyes and her backpack full of poetry and porn, and they're all up all night because they're tweaking, but not her, she never has, she's just feeding off the interaction. She's new to the desert, and it shows in her openness. She has her notebook out, and they're making a list of euphemisms for genitalia, but on another page, he sees the first few lines of a poem, broken and scattered, but she hides them.

She shares a chair with him, snuggled in, and it's the first time he's been this close to a girl in months - since his ex. Since his ex had found out stuff about his nature that she couldn't deal with. She never said the word "monster", but she barricaded herself away from him for months, and finally left.

He has them put on a movie he's sure will gross her out, but she watches with clinical fascination.

It's a test, and he doesn't know what to do if she passes. He's not used to anyone seeing him to begin with. He doesn't know what he wants.

Strange little girl fiddling with her pen, he watches her as they get to the most offensive scenes: will this freak you out? This? This?

Later, as Darryle and Cristine collapse on their mattress, and Jason dozes on the floor, as she draws halting conversation out of him: will this send you running? Will this?

Big clear eyes, with no disgust in them.

Jason wakes up, remembers clearly that he brought her hoome, for him - the two of them end up in the bathroom, muffled voices, muffled sex-sounds. The two of them come out, and Jason tells him what the girl wants -


She's holding Jason's hand, but half-stepped away from him, looking up at him, so clear that she wants him-not-Jason, but will take him-with-Jason, if that's all she can have. And he surprises himself by saying yes... and he can't do everything, because of the speed, but what he can do is very clearly enough for her...

She's been turning away from Jason slowly all night, all day, turning to face the quiet moon rather than the larger, louder sun, and he sees the turn complete when, later, Jason presses a lighter to her hand - she panics, she pulls away, he holds her, holds her hand on the lighter, and she gets away, draws back, animal fear, against the wall - Jason laughs and leaves.

Later, sometime later in that no-time, he remembers that he has to meet Garet for dinner. Free spaghetti dinner coupons. And he stands up and looks down at the strange little girl who doesn't run away, and she looks up at him; he asks if she wants to come with him. And she stands, and she takes his hand, and she smiles.