January 4th, 2006

Writing - XanaDuMalion


So I wrote up the nanosong bit. No, I didn't post it yet; just wrote it in the Word document. A good 2K+.

Which I think I need to rewrite from her perspective. It isn't soup yet.

And I think I knew it was her part of the story, but... as hard as it is to be in Jeramie's head, it's harder to be in hers for stuff like this. Believe it or not, and if you saw what I just wrote, you'd have a hard time believing it, but I was taking it easy on myself.

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  • Current Mood
    pensive pensive

Odin's Day

Exhaustion like whoa + nausea. Bit of brainfuckery and coordination fuckery. No wordfuckery, per se, but I'm slurring a bit.

Primary care doc appointment at 11:15; will be weighed and get results of endoscopy as interpreted by an actual intelligent human being.

Guess the Playlist
Yes, now that I have the iPod again, I can play this game with Adam and, by extension, you. Which character d'you think this is?
"Tide is High", Blondie
"Pure", Lightning Seeds
"Make Me Lose Control", Eric Carmen
"We Belong", Pat Benatar

Those of you who don't follow Shayara... I don't know why you keep reading, you must be bored insensate when I babble about this sort of thing, which I do oftenish.

Hanukkah Hunks
In case you missed my notice last night: All Hunks have been posted in hanukkah_hunks. Go forth and ogle!

Argh argh argh
OMFG Arisia is next week, as in I will be on a plane a week from today.
  • Current Mood
    busy busy
Julia in color - xanadumalion

Shayara T-shirts

So. m0usegrrl suggested Shayara T-shirts. How many of you are actually interested? This would ostensibly be an Arisia exclusive, but if we can't score the minimum order from Arisia attendees, we'll have to open it up to non-attendees and just call it an Arisia debut.

Design is not yet available, but it'll be one of the following:

1. Julia (in icon), badass, fist upraised with energy crackling around it.

2. Kieran, Julia, and Capri: Kieran in the center, flanked by happy-go-lucky Capri and... we haven't decided if Julia will be scowling or reluctantly smiling. X'Ana suggested the former, I suggested the latter in return, but that was five minutes ago so I haven't heard back.

3. This picture of Alanna and Jeramie.

Shirts would cost, um, no more than $20. I know the base cost of shirts, but I have to find out what the shipping cost would be.

Please answer this poll only if you are actually interested in buying a shirt. Or two.

Which shirt would you buy?

just Julia
Julia, Kieran, and Capri
Jeramie and Alanna

EDIT: If you have another suggestion that you'd like to see on a T-shirt someday, do let us know; we're open. You're not getting it this Arisia, though, because we're down to the wire already and already can't absolutely guarantee Arisia delivery. Ack ack ack. But the company we're looking at using has a good webstore system, so we'd like to use 'em year-round.

Medical update

I step on the scale. The bottom slider is set to 100 - I usually go ahead and move it to 50 on my own, but today I am full of blind hope. I pigged out at Thanksgiving, at Christmas. I mean, cracking triple digits is doubtful, but please, please -

No dice. The nurse slides it to 50, and slides the top slider.

I am 87 pounds.

I am still 87 pounds.

Seconds and thirds on those occasions and with those leftovers. At every meal with friends, having them note that I'm eating as much as or more than they are.

Not one. Fucking. Pound.

Pulse in my ears, and the first phrase that comes to mind is my favorite curse from The Adventures of Barry Ween, Boy Genius - "Mother-sucking cock-fucker." But that's only the first. In my head, I run through a litany that would make a sailor faint. Outwardly, I am silent, just nodding when told to go to the room behind me.

By the time the doctor comes in, I've gathered myself. She's clearly not happy. "At least you didn't lose any this month," she offers.

Yes, that's the good news - my level of malnutrition has remained constant. Go team.

The bad news is that it is not an ulcer. Which means that it is not something that a round of antibiotics will cure. She scribbles a prescription for a proton pump inhibitor to reduce the gastric acid in case that's affecting my appetite and I'm not eating as much as I think I am, and asks me to keep track of what I eat for the next two months, til my next weigh-in. She refers me to GI for a consult and, if they deem it necessary, colonoscopy. She admits that this is because she's baffled and wants a fresh set of eyes on the problem.

I come home. I get my traditional post-doctor two-cheeseburger-large-fry at McDonalds (there's your food log, that and two Nutri-grain waffles for breakfast). I hear "Everybody Knows" in the car, which isn't a good song to hear when you're like this, when you're angry and frustrated and helpless, when the good news is that they don't have to stick a fucking tube in you yet, but that word is there: yet.

I am not happy.

I... have nothing else to say, really. That sums it up, that gross understatement. I am not happy.

EDIT: Yes, they've checked my thyroid, several times, and it's fine.
  • Current Mood
    indescribable indescribable
Fenris - by Xanadumalion [Purges]

(no subject)

I am a bit of a control freak.

I do not do well when I am helpless, powerless, when there's not a damn thing I can do.

Give me a situation where I can do just the tiniest little thing, and I am all over it. I rock.

But being helpless is very difficult for me.

And I've been helpless as regards the seizures and the resultant medications and side effects of same for over two years now. And I am helpless as regards my heart problem, and this, this out-of-control plummeting of weight.

And I'm helpless as regards the move to Boston - that all depends on Adam getting a job, and there's nothing I can do.

And there are other situations in my world right now that I won't discuss because they touch on Other People's Stuff, but - ditto. Out-of-control situations that I can do nothing to help, nothing to fix, nothing to change.

I am a tough cookie. I have been standing here. I have been being a Weeble - wobbling, but not falling down. Under extreme duress. Extreme duress. I have been weathering storms.

But goddammit, this needs to stop. I cannot keep myself calm and steady through the hurricane forever. It needs. To stop. And I am seeing no light at the end of this tunnel. What I am seeing right now is just a whoooole lot of tunnel. I am seeing Cthulhu's colon.

(See? Levity! My defense mechanism!)

And as in the previous post, I'm hitting a wall, repeating the oversimplification in my head. This needs to stop.


* Napped for two hours; feel less panicky.

* Landlady will not cover dryer repair, dammit.

* The Shayara T-shirt will be the just-Julia one, simply because it's faster for X'Ana to draw, and if we're to have any hope of getting it in time for Arisia, we gotta go with fast. People seemed interested. People who didn't want that one - the shirt with that eventual triad will appear, just not right now, and maybe Halloran will be on it as well. Speaking of Halloran, he was the most-nominated for his own shirt, with the "It's All About the Kilt" tagline, and I like that idea! Also like the idea of Napalm, with fire. This company acts as a store for a bunch of webcomics, so they're a place we can set something up with. First, this one shirt, though. I'll post the picture as soon as X'Ana's done drawing it.

Yes, the Shayara T-shirt will be available in babydoll sizes. Damn straight. I will not offer again a shirt for my comic that I can't wear. (Which was the case, by necessity, for the DragonCon exclusives in '02.)
  • Current Mood
    exhausted exhausted
Writing - XanaDuMalion

Shayara stuff

Yes, this is me diving into a Project I Can Control.

Two ideas.

A chapbook of the Blog-A-Thon stories plus Shawn's story (the one that accompanied the comic) and "Fallen". $10 or higher donation, proceeds to RAINN, since that's why I wrote 'em.

A chapbook of a basic Shayara primer - about the world and its people, including a glossary and stuff - and some flash fiction. Some of the stuff I've posted here under friends-lock, some new stuff. (I'd throw "Fallen" in there, too. I like it.)


This is something I can have by Arisia. And pretty. I have a design person. w00t.

If interested in the latter, please tell me what interests you more, flashfictionwise - stuff about the city and world, or stuff about the characters. If people want to know more about the world in general, I can leave the Capri/Kieran fluff by the wayside for now!
  • Current Mood
    determined determined

(no subject)

Every so often you know exactly what you need.

This phone call, this person, even though we haven't spoken in almost a year. Yes. I am smiling and have laughed and am looking forward to things. That is what I needed.

Also, note to self: Surround yourself with people who do not make you crazy. Not. Emphasis on the not.
  • Current Mood
    satisfied satisfied