November 13th, 2005

Hearth

(no subject)

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Was up most of last night keeping timelining in my head, and writing stuff in my head that I'm not ready to write with my hands yet.

Posted something retro - an interaction between Jeramie and Jessa - and something linear, which also happens to be the first mention of the Hounds, chronologically.

Going to see Zathura with Adam and Miss Kid now, and try not to think of Jeramie and Alanna.
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Hearth

(no subject)

It's night, and I'm highly medicated. In the morning, I have a pill and a half of Trileptal. At night, I have that and a pill of Zonegran, half a pill of Toprol, and a pill of folic acid, not that that last one does anything to my mind-state.

I am out of my head a bit. I am floaty.

I have worlds in my head. I have *too many* worlds in my head. SPC476 said he likes the NaNo better than my regular Shayara stuff; I wonder if that is just because of the *focus*. Because with the NaNo I'm not scattered all over the place, I'm not dealing with 50 characters, et cetera. I'm *just* dealing with Jeramie and Alanna as POV characters. Focus.

They're in my head all the time; I'm writing all the time, in my head. I think of Spooky, and I think of Jessa and Annie learning each other. That leads me to Jessa and Fenris, and a song I just heard that reminds me of *them* - Rachael Yamagata, "The Reason Why".

I can be there for hours. When I'm medicated, especially, I can get lost.

I don't want my medication. I want to choose.

I can't write the words sometimes because the medication makes my brain too tired. Fogs me. Doesn't make my brain tangly, thorny, like the Keppra did - but it makes it hard to bring the words out in their intended sentences. Sometimes I fight to bring them out.

But they are always there. From beginning to end, and so many paths through the middle, I Know this story.

I will sleep now.