June 2nd, 2005

Hearth

Thor's Day!

Administration
Happy early birthday to elionwyr, ellyssian, azurelunatic, trouvera, zeppo, and vanuslux!

Hello to newly-official reader merrick42!

Medical
Vision pretty fucked, as is balance - did some staggering today, and had to take the elevator instead of the stairs. Pretty nauseous, etc.

Got a call back from the neuro's nurse yesterday re: the headache - so of course I don't have the headache today. Y'all know how that works. *eyeroll* EDIT: Strike that - reverse it.

Big News
Posted my big news last night. Just letting people who don't read at night know.

Y'all have no idea how hard it's been to not let anything slip this past month-or-more. Seriously. Because everything is tied into the move. Writer's block? Tied into the move. Sense of space? Tied into the move. Everything to do with every relationship and friendship I have? Tied into the move. House stuff? Tied into the move.

Didn't leave me with much, you see.

But now the news is out! So now I can actually talk about what's on my mind again. Phew. :)

I hate having to keep secrets. It just feels so wrong.

Wearing
Cute little black cardigan with jeans. Docs. Woods Hole Marine Biological Institute socks.

Reading
Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott. My plane reading will be theferrett's as-yet-unpublished novel (I get a sneak peek! Because I'm the princess, that's why.) and catvalente's The Labyrinth. Yes, I finally treated myself to it. :) Takes me forever to spend Amazon gift certificates - I'm so indecisive!

Planning
Well. Florida. Duh. :)

Looks like Saturday night will be the getting-together night. azagthoth, enderfem, e-mail me your contact info? springdew and spc476, up for a meetup? You can bring the boys - we have a pool. tsarinanic, I know I have your number... and you have mine. *nod*

And, well, any other Floridians. Notify me if you are willing and able to hang out. *nod*
Writing - XanaDuMalion

Sympathy for the Devil

"As you learn who your characters are, compassion for them will grow. There shouldn't be just a single important character in your work for whom you have compassion. You need to feel it even for the villain - in fact, especially for the villain. Life is not like formula fiction. The villain has a heart, and the hero has great flaws. You've got to pay attention to what each character says, so you can know each of their hearts.

Only in the comics and the formula movies do we get any pleasure from destroying totally evil and sinister villains, because in those cases they've been systematically depersonalized. They commit only acts of atrocity and sociopathology, and they say terribly evil things, and then we get to ritually kill them. There can be, at the end of the book, the relief that comes with justice."

Anne Lamott, Bird by Bird

Well said. And I'm going to use my own work as an example because, well, it's what I'm closest to.

If I'm doing my job right, you will feel compassion for Alanna. Hell, you'll feel compassion for a few people you don't expect to feel compassion for. And you'll understand; you'll understand how the Council got to be that way. You'll understand what was done to Alanna to create this mostly-tame sociopath.

I have hints that I am doing my job. Because phantom_wolfboy loves her.

A villain who is nothing but pompous-laughing, mustache-twirling Eeeeevil is, well, meaningless. The hero is a paladin, a paragon, and they stab the villain through his black heart and win the princess and tra la la, everything is neat and perfect and you can tie it up in a little bow.

Life is not neat and perfect. Life is messy.

And in reality, and in a well-done story, the villain never thinks he's the villain.

The villain is doing what they think is right.

Hitler, to use the most common example, was doing what he thought was right.

Good fiction, like real life, is just not that cut-and-dried.

Alanna was ten years old when the Council found out for certain that she was not the Lishaya reborn. Janos was so enraged that he attacked the Taraki who'd confirmed it. And Alanna had to be held back... because she was crying, begging to be allowed to heal the man.

A far cry from who she became. But every step of the way, every twist, she thought she was doing what was right. What she was taught was right. The power of the Lishaya, of the Council, over all, had to be reinforced - thus she had to kill the dissenters...

Underneath the villain, underneath Alanna at her most cruel, you should be able to see flashes of the broken girl.
Katchoo - Terry Moore

(no subject)

Things are packed. Pretty sure I have the proper amount of clothing, etc.

I have packed Elayna's flute, a notebook, and my meds. Those are the most important things. Anything else, I can pick up when I get there, should I have forgotten it.

Elayna has been interrupting me every thirty seconds for, um, two weeks now. I can't read anything. I can't write anything. Even now, when I have a sliver of time when I might be able to write - transcribe the bit about ten-year-old Alanna at the very least, if not flesh it out - I can't. My brain is itchy, my body twitchy; I know that the moment I type the first word, I will hear the child yell "Mommy!"

There is a lack of respect there that needs to be worked on. But my brain is too fried to work on it with her right now.

Not a lack of respect so much as an inability to recognize that conditions in which respect is needed currently exist, I suppose. But again - too fried at this moment to teach her to recognize said conditions.

Not a happy mental state. Can't think straight.

Have not had one single second to myself. For weeks.

Knew that was bad for me. Didn't realize *how* bad.

Love my child. But I cannot live like this.

Soon. *sigh* Soon.