July 23rd, 2004

Hearth

*poing*

* Got enough sleep last night.

* My page-a-day SARK calendar bears wisdom...
Yesterday: "The tiniest story in your life can deeply touch another. You cannot know the effect your story might have.
Today: "Let your inspiration feed others, and give them the juice to grow, and glow."

* I have a daunting task ahead of me. My goal is to have the house perfect this weekend, so it only needs to be tidied next weekend when my parents come to town. Because last-minute cleaning drives me nuts.

* If I set a goal of 1,000 words a night, is that laudable or stupid. I'm not sure. I did it last night with pretty much zero effort. We'll see how I do tonight.

* Important task - make list of BlogAThon sponsors.
Those who donated $10+ get to hit the incentives from my incentive-type people.
If I have not sent you a thank-you e-mail, I don't know you donated, so send me a receipt! Except PayPallers. You, I know. And bitsyboo, I got your check - thanks!
Also, I need to create a BlogAThon 2004 filter to post the story in. The story is 1/4 done. So I'm way ahead of last year.
I need to fix up the "book", the storybits with creator commentary; I fucked up the page breaks on page 60 and just kept on goin'. satia and museumfreak have hardcopies. I'll be e-mailing the rest of you the Word document. Locals can pick up a hardcopy at LEWD if they'd prefer that; just RSVP so I know how many copies to print!

* Remember to sponsor catvalente! Her BlogAThon begins today, and her excellent writing will be exclusively viewable to sponsors, like theferrett's.

* I remembered to bring Seized by Eve LaPlante to work today, so I can read it at lunch. And stick little posty-note flags all over bits that I want to put in sickhippo. I used that link rather than the Amazon.com one because it gives a description of Geschwind's Syndrome, common in those with complex partial seizures. I so totally have the syndrome, which is why yendi and I think I've always had epilepsy, it was just the extreme stress I was under last fall that caused me to have such drastic ones. And the more you have, the more you're likely to have, blah blah blah seizurecakes. Anyway. I wrote about that in sickhippo.

Anyway.

* Stuff I need for the house - a Brita faucet water filter. Like ASAP. Our water doesn't taste 100% right. And I also need a full-length mirror, as both bathroom mirrors are too high for me to see below my chin. I want to know what the rest of me looks like! And I need more stuff that I can't think of right now.

*nod*
Hearth

Storyishness

So as I've said, the Four Sisters, One Day thing popped into my brainmeats, and I've already finished like 35% of it... I totally lost the who's your favorite character post, though. So I'm wondering if the story that's already coming out is cool enough for you sponsors, or if you desperately want something else. Majority rules. Like if, "other", the characters that get the most suggestions will triumph.

"Whose cuisine will reign supreme?"

Sorry. Iron Chef moment.

Reminder: The four sisters are, in age order, Tessa, Alanna, Katrianna, and Julia. I have an idea for Tessa's segment that involves her going after a certain kid...

Poll #325114 BlogAThon Story

Four Sisters? Or something else?

Four Sisters is cool by me.
28(48.3%)
Nooo! I really wanted something else, which I will reveal in the comments!
1(1.7%)
I did not sponsor you, so I don't get to see the story anyway. But. Shiny button!
25(43.1%)
Hearth

Two M/s notes...

1. I finally pinpointed exactly what was nagging at the edge of my brainmeats, the thing that I actually needed and was actually able to communicate it. Go me!

2. Master is very proud of me. Because that thing I mentioned that I'd resisted the hell out of? I've kept on with it. And increased the level of difficulty on my own. Without being asked. And did another, related thing that made him quite happy.

Am being good, yes.
  • Current Mood
    loved loved
Hearth

Short Stories?

swisscheesed: "You really should get cracking on that collection of short stories (think of De Lint's Newford stories!)..."

Me: "I had the instant reaction of "but I don't write short stories!" and then I thought, well, um, maybe I do?"

The original plan for Shayara was to write a novel, then a short story collection, then a novel, then a short story collection...

But, y'know, de Lint did originally write Newford in short-story form before he started writing the novels.

I am like all kinds of pondery now.

ADDENDUM: swisscheesed is okay, she's just taking a well-earned break.

ALSO: cissa told me that she likes the sparseness of my writing style. Not that I've ever viewed myself as having a style. But. I'd always viwed my sparseness as a deficiency in my writing. Maybe it's not?
Hearth

(no subject)

Food Log
Special K.
Peanut butter sammich.

I am a creature of habit.

Writing Log
679 words. The Tessa part of the Four Sisters story. I'm all bouncy with glee, as it includes the first appearance of a certain fan-favorite character...

How is it that I already have fan-favorite characters?

Anyway. I'm all itchy to post it. But I can't because it's for BlogAThon sponsors only, but I wanna hold it up and say "Look! Look! See what I did!"

I want a gold star.
Fizzgig! - velvetsteel

*taps fingernails*

Few things are more annoying than having an hour and fifteen minutes left in your workday and nothing else to do on a day when you have stuff at home that you really wanna do.

Especially on a Friday.

I should've skipped lunch due to nausea. Then I'd be able to go in 15 minutes. I was nauseous. I'm still nauseous.

In other news, Elayna played basketball today.

*hits Gmail*
*tortures sub*
*mocks the stupid with yendi*
*tortures sub a little more*

Am resisting the urge to do Shayara work, as I would only be doing it because I feel guilty these days when I don't work on it at every available moment; inspiration isn't there right now, though, and I ought not to force it.

Fortunately, the vote on "Four Sisters" was unanimous; the four who checked that they wanted to see something else did also check yes for "Four Sisters". This is a good thing, because the story is now half-done, and I really do want to get it to you guys in a timely fashion.

I know haikujaguar wants more linguistic stuff and zarhooie wants Lyric - as always! - and deyaniera wants Capri's recovery... but ladyortyger, what did you want?

Addendum: I must form a Blog-A-Thon 2004 filter tonight, so I can post a poll asking who wants what incentives. swisscheesed wants to know who she's doing illos for.

EDIT: Other project - the long-since-abandoned "14 girls in 14 days" project. Mea Culpa. Already did Tessa, Capri, and Julia; your other requests are Tyka, Lyric, Jessamyn, Alanna, and Donna. That's 8. Any more requests?

EDIT: Does anyone remember the food ridethingie at EPCOT? The Land? Where you go to the fruit and vegetable part and they're singing "veggie veggie fruit fruit - veggie fruit fruit"?

I apologize to those I just earwormed.

Anyway, that's in my head, with reference to what I'm doing on Gmail, except it's "torture torture mock mock - torture mock mock"...

EDIT: Further earworming that will affect no one but me: I can't get kires's voice out of my head. Specifically, a particular voice he does. When he holds up my squid beanie baby and says "I am a cute little Elder God." Just - this fucked-up little voice. I gotta have him phonepost that voice.
Julia in color - xanadumalion

Snapshot of a girl

She's got the chair flipped around backward, and she's straddling it. Her jeans, over the little bottle-green Doc Martens, are frayed at the bottom. She hasn't bothered to chop the bottoms off of this pair yet, and she's sure as hell not going to cuff them, so she wears the backs out a little as they rub the ground. They're a little worn elsewhere, too - holes in the left knee, the right thigh. They've just barely started - white strings across, bordered by light blue fuzz. She's got a chain wallet, looped to her back pocket. The pocket lies pretty flat - she tends to not have a whole lot in that wallet.

Her arms are crossed over the back of the chair. Casually. Right hand holding left wrist. No watch, no jewelry. Just two thick black ponytail holders, the kind with no metal so they don't snag, on her right wrist. Her fingernails are short and unpainted. There's one scar on her right hand, between the thumb and the index finger; if you look closer, you see a few on her bare arms as well. She's no stranger to fighting.

She's wearing a white tank-top, what's colloquially known as a wifebeater. She always wears tank tops. She wants to leave her arms free to do stuff. Fighting, sometimes, yeah, but also just stuff in general. She feels constrained by sleeves. They limit movement.

She'll be very pissed off if you tell her she's cute, so suppress the urge to do so. Pretty girl. Set mouth, lower lip slightly bigger than the upper. Suspicious look in her eyes, which are large, long-lashed, colorshifting bluegreygreen. Delicate features, though she'd rather they were strong. She doesn't wear makeup. She doesn't own makeup. She doesn't need it. Her hair cascades loose right now - a rare indulgence. Before she goes anywhere, does anything, she'll tie it back. But for now, it tumbles dark-gold over her shoulders and a bit down her arms, the edges of her curls brushing light-honey skin, catching the light with a glitter - gilt, honey, caramel, coffee with cream.

She flexes her left hand and glares. "What're you looking at?"
Hearth

this is what it's like.

brain not connecting. can't keep things in line. trying to do itunes, but can't keep things in my head long enough to look for them.

can't connect.

this is what it's like. this is a bad brain time. this is what it's like.

charles de lint did something. yendi will post.

my other hand is holding my head. is why no caps.

want to do things. cleaning. stuff. can't keep things in my head long enough to do them. i'll gget up and i'll forget.

i love you.

this is what it's like.
Hearth

Brain

Brain is mostly better now.

Side effects = teh suck.

I took a quality-of-life quiz on the epilepsy foundation website the other day... if you get 15 or higher on side effects or on not being able to do things you should be able to do, you should talk to your doctor about changing medications.

I got a 45 and a 30 respectively.

So I guess it's no longer a question of whether I should ask to get my medication changed. Just... what we're going to do about it.

I think a lot of people don't really *get* this. I'm distressed because my brain isn't working. In some really basic, drastic ways. And because the medication that I'm on is supposed to be the anti-seizure drug with the *fewest* side effects, and yet it seems like my mutant body is rejecting it. Tegretol, Neurontin, etc. are supposed to have much worse side effects. So what happens if my body just can't handle any of the drugs? Surgery, or living with seizures.

So you see why I'm scared all the time?

I think I'm only able to write this like this because a) my mind is just starting to work its way back up and b) I just finished one of Elayna's books, Snail Mail No More by Paula Danziger and Ann M. Martin, which is an epistolary novel - so I'm writing in that style, like a letter to a friend.

That book was a sequel - and Paula Danziger died, so there'll never be a third one. Which sucks, because Elayna and I really liked these.

Anyway. Scared all the time about my brain. I don't know how much of that comes through; I know that there are people who misperceive it as whining and whatnot. But imagine this happening to you. Seriously. Close your eyes and imagine not knowing if your brain was going to have this electric storm at any moment. Or if your brain suddenly... I told Adam that my brain "fell down". I was okay, and then... just fell. I was okay tonight until then. I never know if I'm going to be okay, so I never feel safe anywhere, anytime. (EDIT: Like earlier today I wrote the Julia "snapshot", which I thought was quite good. And then, same day, just... fell down, and I couldn't *think*. I can't rely on my brain to maintain a level of coherency.)

I'm seeing the neurologist on the 3rd. And there will be much talking. And my mom will be there, which actually feels like a comfort, because sometimes with doctors I'm hesitant to push issues, but I'll have backup this time.

EDIT: I have to go to so many doctors. The neurologist, I need to go back to the dentist, I need to go back to the opthamalogist because of the borderline-glaucoma thing, I need to get my yearly and probably a baseline mammogram, I need to see a plain ol' doctor about the effects of my drastic weight loss (esp. the hair-thinning and the bruising), and I know that I do need to see a nutritionist, but that's the lowest priority.

I guess that's it for now.