May 7th, 2004

Hearth

Bear with me.

My cryptic "sweeps month" post isn't being elaborated on right now, because it may all come to naught. Just... know that I'm in a delicate place right now. Why? Because one of my most basic assumptions, guideposts, facts of the last ten years....

May not be a fact after all.

My foundation has broken right down the middle.

I said this isn't a Bad Thing, and that's true. It's likelier to be a Good Thing. Many good things can come out of this. But much sadness as well.

I don't know. And you know me... I have to know things.

I'm just trying to establish which way is up. My world's been shaken.

And like I said before, it's so far beyond the pale - due to being contrary to a decade-long belief - that it seems absurd. I don't know what to think.

My life has been drastically changed by six small words. And... adjustment is needed.

EDIT: And I don't want to go to sleep. Because this all feels so strange. I want time to stretch, I want to not have to go to work tomorrow, I want to live in this moment and try to understand it.
Hearth

Happy Friday!

Administration
This has been a very sparse week for friends-list birthdays! But happy early birthday to aphony21, hockeyrules88, and theindiequeen!

Hello to new readers arashi842, chebutykin, and re-found friend nearlysanenow. :)

I see your true colors shining through...
Semisekrit message *ahem* This ended last year. Get over it. Also - we are men of action; lies do not become us.

I can only assume you're feeling attention-starved. As also evidenced by your apparent belief that I'm talking about you. Well, I am now, but otherwise, no. Hi. I've moved on. You should too. Let go of the coattails and try getting the attention you crave by being you, by doing something interesting yourself.

Dude. No more drama kings evar.

And that, darling readers, is my final word on the matter. Me having a life and all.

FYI
I am insanely busy and preoccupied. Not just with my sweeps-week thing, which is totally eating my brain. Not just with catching up with old friends and having a few big surprises. Not just with house stuff. Not just with a massive resurgence of Weird Pagan Shit. Not just with houseguest stuff. But commencement here at Coca-Cola U is Monday. I am the undergraduate secretary in my department. This is one of the two busiest times of my year. When I finish this post, I have to go run across campus delivering grade rolls again, for one thing.

I have e-mails languishing in my inbox from over a week ago. (sorry, whitecrow0, I haven't forgotten about you!) I can't answer anything that requires more thought than an LJ comment right now, and I'm behind on those too.

I thought I talked about that enough to make it clear, but apparently I didn't, as I wasn't given even 24 hours to complete a multi-step task before someone threw a temper tantrum. This is y'all's official notice. I'm kinda busy right now! If something needs to be handled within 24 hours, tell me and I will do it.

Thank you.

Van Helsing
In case you didn't read last night - it was godawful. I love it. I want to see it again and again. I almost laughed myself into an asthma attack.

yendi hated it with the passion of a thing what emits sunlight and kills vampires dead. Read his SPOILER-LADEN recap of the entire movie here.

House House House!
Guess what guess what? On the way to the movie, manifestress saw a "For Rent" sign and called the number immediately; the owner called back while we were on line. Three bedrooms (our current house is actually a 2-bedroom + sunroom), two baths, hardwood floors, a den (think office!), nice corner lot, and manifestress says that it appears to be the same size as the house we were hoping to buy before. And! Only $50 more than we're paying now. And lawn maintenance is included.

We're going to see it today after work; wish us luck! This would be wonderful for us; I'm sick of our utter lack of space, and the only reason we were still there is because we liked our landladies. Who are no longer our landladies. My stress level would be so reduced if we just had one more room. Which it looks like we can get with this for only $50 more a month.

Wearing
A short-sleeved horizontal-with-varying-thicknesses-striped sweater in black, silver, and shades of purple. Usual jeans. No earrings. Hair down for the second day in a row. Yes, that's rare, but I'm getting to kinda like how it looks. Damn Master making me all girly; I generally stick it back in pigtails just to get it the hell out of my face. Master makes me want to look pretty. *pout*

Reading
Witpunk here at lunch. Also Liaden chapbooks borrowed from copycatjsh. At home - well, our comic book shipment just came in yesterday. :)

Anyone have opinions on 1602? I didn't see that end coming, but that was likely because the art was so horrible...

Planning
dindin's coming to town! JavaMonkey meetup, y'all? Same bat-time, same bat-channel?

Also! We need a ride to pick her up from the airport! She's coming in at 10:54. Help?

And that is all for now. *bows grandiosely*
Elayna! - Karlita

Mother's Day

Last year, I wished every mother on my reading list a happy Mother's Day.

By name.

This year my reading list and readers, well... I've had an over 400-person gain from last year. I can't go through and pick out all the moms anymore.

So! A very generalized Happy Mother's Day, going out to those who've given birth, as well as the stepmoms, the moms-in-spirit, the godmothers and beloved feels-like-a-second-moms. Much love to you all.
  • Current Mood
    cheerful cheerful
Hearth

Example

On a "See? I so do not encourage drama" note...

Due to theferrett's post on another recent sticky situation... christine9600 and I have started talking. For the first time, really - there was a lot of snipey drama between us last March/April that I'm not going to recap, but this is the first time we've actually talked to each other.

And y'know what? We have a lot in common, as is so often the case when people butt heads. And hey, we're enjoying the conversation. Who'da thunk it?

Just a note. It's good when people are mutually willing and able to step back, breathe, assess a situation objectively, and give the whole thing another go with a blank slate.

Pretty cool.
Elayna! - Karlita

May Sweeps

I don't know how much of this I ought to say, as it's also Someone Else's Stuff. So more detailed information may be written later. But this is the huge upheaval in my life. Also the reason I've been laughing helplessly for days. Because my brain just can't encompass it. And why fight-picking attempts are as buzzing gnats. Nothing can top this. And again - this isn't a Bad Thing. It's just a Very Very Big Thing.

When one is raped, one's life bisects utterly. There is Before, and there is After, and the Before and After are almost completely different girls.

When a trauma as massive as that happens, it overshadows everything. All events around it are grayed out. Just that one huge thing. That is your whole world, for some time.

I was raped on June 5. Layne was the only person I had sex with after the rape. I missed my period in mid-late-June. I found out I was pregnant on July 1, and Layne whisked me off to his mom's house in Arizona that very day.

Because Layne was the only person I'd had sex with since the rape, of course the sperm-donor was either Layne or the rapist. And it had to be Layne, it had to be Layne, because it would break me if it was the rapist.

I don't know why the rest of this never entered my mind. I theorize that it's because the rape put me in a months-long state of shock.

Elayna was due on March 2. She came out a bit late, but at a pound and a half over what the doctors predicted...

I've been operating for the past 9+ years on the assumption, the black-and-white fact, that Layne was Elayna's biological father.

I never considered the fact that I had another lover before the rape. I don't remember when our last time was, but...

My original contact mail, the "I hope you remember me," referenced me having had Layne's baby.

The one-line e-mail I got in reply - before the more extensive and nifty one - the six words I referenced earlier as having changed my world:

"Are you sure she's his baby?"

EDIT: E-mails have followed this. the topic is under discussion.

And a clarification... yendi is Elayna's dad in everything but blood. This doesn't change that. But... imagine if Elayna has a birth-father who actually wants to know her....
  • Current Music
    Now you understand my upheaval, yes?
Boondock/can't believe

(no subject)

*is notified of idiocy*

*looks in disbelief*

Oh, come on. At least tell a lie that people with a brain in their head might believe. Rather than planting something that goes against all logic (would I post an anonymous comment at all? if I did so, would I post it from a server specific to my department at my university? hello?) so you can throw another temper tantrum, now that your original hissy-fit catalyst has been promptly resolved without the drama you wanted. Jesus fuck. Life. Get one. Go away and stop using my name to get attention.

*refuses to feed the attention whore anymore*

EDIT: I know, I know. I shouldn't care about being egregiously slanderlibelled. But hey. Can't seem to shake that.
  • Current Mood
    annoyed annoyed
Writing - XanaDuMalion

On Being Linear

Dude, dude, guess what?

The last eight storychunks I've written?

Have been in order.

'struth. I am amazed to realize that. I mean, my brain doesn't generally work like that. Given, the first one is prehistory, but from Julia at the masquerade through

Capri and Halloran getting together and Julia and Kieran's subsequent conversations immediately followed by Ryan and Kieran's subsequent conversation

Through finding out who the Big Bad really is, which I wrote today? All in chronological order.

I grouped the one paragraph together because those things are so tight that I can publish them as a story without editing. Totally sequential.

I usually don't work like that with prose. Comics, yes. Prose, no.

And another thing... maybe it's the writing marathon opening me up. But the Capri-and-Halloran bit and the part of the scene that I wrote today (that'll likely go on abother 25+ pages, it's a Big Revelation) are things that I've had living in my brain for years, but I've felt too intimidated to write them, to set them down "in stone".

Interesting. I like it.

EDIT: I am all about the edits today. I don't know why. Anyway! I will try to work on the timeline with links to storybits, as requested by albumlady, among others. I need to make a to-do list...
Hearth

To-Do

Things yendi and I have to do in those few moments when we're in the house together and no one else is there:

* Guest list, guest list, guest list! We can't do any more planning on the wedding until we have a finalized guest list.

* I have to create the spoiler-free Shayara timeline with links to available teasers. He has to post it to shayara.com after he finishes moving it from his university account. It needs a redesign, btw; any volunteers?

* Keep cleaning out his office - or, if we decide that the house we're looking at today is The Place For Us, pack.

* Update DVD database.
  • Current Mood
    busy busy
Hearth

*pace*

The time difference between here and Australia is driving me nuts. Ten years to catch up on = desire for realtime conversation, not this 12-hour time-delay stuff.

I am not a patient girl.

I am, however, a girl who is going to go look at a house, then go home and read comics and do stuff and have a nice hot bubble bath because Master wants me to take better care of my stressy little self. And then probably read some more comics. And watch this week's Gilmore Girls.

*stretch*

Yes. Yesyesyes. I am loved.

Also still impatient.

But loved.

I go now!
Hearth

Oh my goodness

Everyone PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE think good thoughts about us getting this house because it is HY00GE and absolutely beautiful and has room for offices for *both* of us and much bigger bedrooms and a utility room and a *gorgeous* yard and a finished basement and I NEED it.

WOW.
Quiet - PhotoGnome

(no subject)

*small voice* Writing what they did to Alanna to keep her under their control hurts.

They broke her when she was so young. And they kept breaking her. And she wanted to die, but they wouldn't let her.

She tried to talk to Ryan, but he didn't listen. Because she was The Bad Guy.

And she never got away.

Bad things.

I am setting the pen and paper aside for tonight. I don't want to be in her head, in her abuser's head, right now.
Starfire/Don't mess with me

FYI

Shadesong.com is down. Gee, I wonder why?

So. While I straighten out *this* hacking, just know that e-mail isn't currently a good way to contact me. Thanks. And I do believe that this sort of attack is illegal, oh yes I do.

EDIT: And the credit card thing had already been handled. This isn't that.
  • Current Mood
    angry another line has been crossed.
Fizzgig! - velvetsteel

(no subject)

Why does it take so many steps to open a terminal window in Mac OSX? I mean, I use Unix at work, and I just hold down the mouse button and lo, the little menu comes up and lo, I have a terminal window.

It's counterintuitive here.

volta says it's probably because they don't want people playing with things they don't understand.

Still I pout.

*pout*
  • Current Mood
    annoyed annoyed