Some people see "Shrek 2" as harmless family entertainment, a film that kids from 8 to 80 can enjoy.
Others, though, see it as part of an effort that, one day, will lead not only to gay marriage, but marriage between people of the same sex who were once the opposite sex, or something like that.
And, if that's not bad enough, Larry King is involved, sort of.
Something called the Traditional Values Coalition has issued a parental advisory about "Shrek 2," claiming the movie furthers what it calls "the transgender agenda," an "effort to deconstruct the biological reality of male and female."
And here you thought it was just a nice, little cartoon.
The coalition's advisory says, "Parents who are thinking about taking their children to see 'Shrek 2,' may wish to consider the following: The movie features a male-to-female transgender (in transition) as an evil bartender. The character has five o'clock shadow, wears a dress and has female breasts. It is clear that he is a she-male. His voice is that of talk show host Larry King."
Is the Traditional Values Coalition suggesting that Larry King has something to do with "the transgender agenda," whatever that is? Does Larry King promote sex change surgery? Was Larry King once a woman? (If he had been, you can't blame him for having a sex-change operation. He'd have been one nasty looking woman.)
The bartender is only the beginning. The warning continues: "During a dance scene at the end of the movie, this transgendered man expresses sexual desire for Prince Charming, jumps on him, and both tumble to the floor."
Prince Charming in the clutches of Larry King?
And then, the warning says, "In another scene in the movie, Shrek and Donkey need to be rescued from a dungeon where they are chained against the wall."
An ogre and a donkey chained to a wall? Doesn't U.S. Sen. Rick Santorum, R-Man-on-Dog, have dreams like that?
The warning continues: "The rescue is conducted by Pinocchio who is asked to lie so his nose will grow long enough for one of the smaller cartoon characters to use it as a bridge to reach Shrek and Donkey. Donkey encourages him to lie about something and suggests he lie about wearing women's underwear. When he denies wearing women's underwear, his nose begins to grow."
The conclusion: Pinocchio is a transvestite.
There's even more cross-dressing. The warning says, "An earlier scene in the movie features a wolf dressed in grandma's clothing and reading a book when Prince Charming encounters him. Later, one of the characters refers to the wolf's gender confusion."
A transvestite wolf?
This has to be some kind of joke. I mean, Larry King?
So I called Frank York, the editorial director for the Traditional Values Coalition, and asked him: "Are you serious?"
"Yes," he said. "Yes, I am."
He said, "What they showed in the film was supposed to be humorous, but if you look at the transgender agenda ... there are more serious things going on here."
Like men dressed as women using women's bathrooms, he said.
And other stuff like that.
York discussed the "transgender agenda" at length and I'm still not sure what he meant. He did say something about two male-to-female transgender people who tried to get married in Kansas. I must have been out getting popcorn during that scene.
He also suggested that I do a Web search for "she males." He said, "You'll see things that'll make your hair curl."
I told him I didn't think my bosses would appreciate me checking out she-male sites here in the office.
He's deadly serious. He doesn't think there's anything humorous at all about a bartender with a five o'clock shadow, wearing a dress, with breasts and the voice of Larry King.
By the way, what's Larry King have to do with it?
"That's just a detail I put in there," he said.
So Larry King doesn't have anything to do with this?
"No, not at all," he said.
I wanted to ask him about the whole interspecies marriage thing, you know, Shrek being an ogre and the princess being, well, a princess who became an ogre. (Or maybe she was an ogre and became a princess. I don't know.)
Anyway, he talked about the whole transsexual agenda and how it wants to take over the world and stuff like that. He clearly spends a lot of time thinking about transsexuals, not that there's anything wrong with that. Meanwhile, I was praying to the telephone gods to strike the phone line dead.
Finally, he said, "I know you probably think I'm insane."
No, no, no, no.
Link from crystalsage - thanks!