I was fine this week last year. Better than fine - a woman on a mission. Strong. Feeling my power.
But I'm falling apart this time. I don't understand. It's nothing to do with the specific trauma. Life is not bad. Life is good. Moving stress, yeah, but that shouldn't be doing this.
I'm not strong this year. I've been strong for the last few years. This year I'm unaccountably fragile.
I need distraction, but I don't want it. Not looking to dwell on it. Just - cocooning. Not wanting to be touched. NEEDING distraction. But resistant. Feeling really self-destructive. (And no, I haven't been cutting. But I wanted to recently.)
I want this to be over.