Magical Truthsaying Bastard Shadesong (shadesong) wrote,
Magical Truthsaying Bastard Shadesong
shadesong

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May Sweeps

I don't know how much of this I ought to say, as it's also Someone Else's Stuff. So more detailed information may be written later. But this is the huge upheaval in my life. Also the reason I've been laughing helplessly for days. Because my brain just can't encompass it. And why fight-picking attempts are as buzzing gnats. Nothing can top this. And again - this isn't a Bad Thing. It's just a Very Very Big Thing.

When one is raped, one's life bisects utterly. There is Before, and there is After, and the Before and After are almost completely different girls.

When a trauma as massive as that happens, it overshadows everything. All events around it are grayed out. Just that one huge thing. That is your whole world, for some time.

I was raped on June 5. Layne was the only person I had sex with after the rape. I missed my period in mid-late-June. I found out I was pregnant on July 1, and Layne whisked me off to his mom's house in Arizona that very day.

Because Layne was the only person I'd had sex with since the rape, of course the sperm-donor was either Layne or the rapist. And it had to be Layne, it had to be Layne, because it would break me if it was the rapist.

I don't know why the rest of this never entered my mind. I theorize that it's because the rape put me in a months-long state of shock.

Elayna was due on March 2. She came out a bit late, but at a pound and a half over what the doctors predicted...

I've been operating for the past 9+ years on the assumption, the black-and-white fact, that Layne was Elayna's biological father.

I never considered the fact that I had another lover before the rape. I don't remember when our last time was, but...

My original contact mail, the "I hope you remember me," referenced me having had Layne's baby.

The one-line e-mail I got in reply - before the more extensive and nifty one - the six words I referenced earlier as having changed my world:

"Are you sure she's his baby?"

EDIT: E-mails have followed this. the topic is under discussion.

And a clarification... yendi is Elayna's dad in everything but blood. This doesn't change that. But... imagine if Elayna has a birth-father who actually wants to know her....
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