Magical Truthsaying Bastard Shadesong (shadesong) wrote,
Magical Truthsaying Bastard Shadesong
shadesong

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Stagnation vs. Growth

The discussion that begat this was with a beloved friend who, like me, does not fear the new and different; we're mutually saddened that so many people choose to stagnate all their lives.

An ongoing problem in my relationships has been fear of change, fear of growth. Most of you know about the last one, and it would be uncouth to go into that, so I won't.

But it *was* a problem there. As it was with my ex-husband. And with Layne. And and and... yeah. This isn't directed at anyone. It's just a musing. And it's certainly not ex-specific - I know many people that this applies to.

What got me started on this train of thought was this... none of these men were willing to move. Physically and emotionally. All of them, save Layne, are unconsciously determined to live less than ten miles from their mothers from their entire lives. Layne was just afraid of leaving his tiny area of comfort - Las Vegas & Kingman, Arizona. Others won't budge from the city they're in, never mind the state. I begged my ex-husband back in '98 to move to Atlanta, but he was too damn afraid.

They are afraid. What they're afraid of is not hiring a moving van, finding a new job, etc. - they're afraid of change itself, some to such a degree that they will not leave their mommy. Extreme - but true.

Because moving isn't just about the physical stuff... moving is about the courage to pull up your roots, the faith that you'll be happy where you end up, that you'll be okay in the face of massive change.

Sometimes you crash. Sometimes, the fall kills you. And sometimes... sometimes, you fly.
--Neil Gaiman, Sandman

Sometimes you fly. But you never will if you cling whimpering to the life you've had since birth, if you're afraid to even cast out on your own.

What is life without change?

Granted, not everyone has my temperament; I'm a tumbleweed, a dandelion seed. But I can't bear the thought of tying myself to the place of my birth forever, to the person I was at age 10, 15, 18 forever. Stagnation is a horrible, horrible thing, and I pity those who choose that.

And moving is but a symptom. It isn't the cause. Fear is the cause. Fear is not your friend... why are change-phobic people nurturing it, clinging to it? Why are they so afraid to actually take steps to grow up and have a life?

Look at your life right now. There is something that you can change for the better. What is it?

Are you going to do it?
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