Magical Truthsaying Bastard Shadesong (shadesong) wrote,
Magical Truthsaying Bastard Shadesong
shadesong

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More on shedding my skin

Every so often, we grow out of ourselves.

Lemme 'splain.

When I fist got online, I used the name "Katrianna". Katrianna was then the main character in Shayara... started out bred-to-evil, but managed to disengage herself (unlike Alanna, who never will), and fought her way to redemption...

Katrianna was very... guarded, closed off. Iron Control, that only melted in a few instances. She was quiet and sometimes cold, until she was drawn out by her few friends. Even during her "recovery", she did things she wasn't proud of, and she castigated herself accordingly.

I identified heavily with her.

It began to become clear that this story was not exclusively about Kat... that the lost-Lishaya thing in the background was the bigger part of the story. But the lost Lishaya, at that point, was fairly cardboard cutout. I couldn't grok her. Hence my focus on Kat, me-like Kat.

And then Julia shoved her way into my consciousness. Tough as hell, quick to anger, street-smart and unpolished and at times downright antagonistic, but a total warrior queen. She yanked the story around to herself, and at the time, obviously, that is what I needed in my life.

All of my characters are little bits of me. Kat and Julia, Alanna, Capri, Shawn and Fenris and Kieran and Napalm... ("And part of you pours out of me in these lines from time to time...")

I went by Katrianna online. Then I switched the "from" line on my e-mail to Julia.

It's been "Shadesong" alone for quite some time.

But I'm shedding my skin again - finding a great deal of myself in another character. Figuring out who I'm becoming like, who I'm making more like me.

Yes, it's one particular character, and I'll give you a cookie if you can figure out who (and no, it isn't Capri).

Must go now to st00pid university inauguration.
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