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Scheherazade in Blue Jeans
freelance alchemist
So there is an election! Go vote! I already did ( #352 in my… 
6th-Nov-2012 10:08 am
Welcome home
So there is an election! Go vote! I already did (#352 in my precinct)!

But also, it's new story day. I've been doing mostly the novel and some poetry lately, so this is my first story publication in a while.

I am shy about this one.

It came tearing out of me all at once and left me gasping, and hopefully you can see why.

It's a Vegas story; I know those have some fans!

I sort of don't want to tell you about it.

But I want to talk about it.

So here's what we'll do. I would very much like you to read it - it's flash, it won't take you long. And then I would love to talk about it in comments. So read it and come back, and we'll talk. (Note: I'll be volunteering at a fundraising bake sale to send Elayna's band to NYC for a competition, so I won't be responding until after 1. But I'll be here a little bit until then.)

The story is "Splinter".

Thank you.
Comments 
6th-Nov-2012 03:31 pm (UTC)
It's good. It's art. It evokes pity and terror.

And I just want to hug you, and tell you it's OK to be a splinter.
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9th-Nov-2012 06:34 pm (UTC)
Yes.
6th-Nov-2012 03:40 pm (UTC)
Just finished reading it - I like it, though it makes me want to know "the rest of the story." Is is part of the novel you're writing (part of meaning related to it, whether or not it ever makes it into the novel itself)?
9th-Nov-2012 06:36 pm (UTC)
It is... thematically related. It could take place in the same world, theoretically, but I haven't deliberately connected them.

The thing the story and the novel share is the idea that, when you do something literally extraordinary, you don't come back from that unchanged. Also both of them involve other worlds; the novel involves them more.
6th-Nov-2012 03:42 pm (UTC)
I really liked it, especially this:

I'm the silence at the end of the song, after the electric hiss and pop.

*hugs*
9th-Nov-2012 06:36 pm (UTC)
It's a very specific silence, really.
6th-Nov-2012 04:50 pm (UTC)
Read it. I do have a nitpick, though: noise-cancelling headphones don't just make everything silent. They use a sort of anti-sound signal to cancel out outside noises from other sources (ambient sound, people talking, airplane noise) so you can hear the intended music/voice better. Michael would be better off with earplugs.
(Deleted comment)
6th-Nov-2012 05:49 pm (UTC)
That I didn't know.
9th-Nov-2012 06:37 pm (UTC)
This! Nothing prevents sound utterly, but that helps.
6th-Nov-2012 05:49 pm (UTC)
It is like duct tape ripped right out of your chest hair, and the bleeding bits left open are all Mama Bear, protective and aching for the very young voice narrator here. I see a lot of wilderness in Vegas in this one. More coherent commentary another time. It has been A Day.
9th-Nov-2012 06:38 pm (UTC)
*smile* That's what it felt like to write it. I'm glad it translated.
6th-Nov-2012 10:08 pm (UTC)
I've heard you read this. I've now read it in print. I love it both ways, but I like hearing you read it better.

I am, I've been, curious about the context of it, but it stands as is perfectly. It's so powerful, and emotionally rich.

6th-Nov-2012 11:30 pm (UTC)
I just finished it. It is amazing and so sad, and...magical otherworlds aren't necessarily like Oz or Narnia or Wonderland or anything else we dream of as kids.
9th-Nov-2012 06:38 pm (UTC)
Even the most benevolent magical otherworlds I write in are just a little bit... off.
7th-Nov-2012 01:02 am (UTC)
I sldo like this piece better read aloud, although it is achingly beautiful either way.

I love this narrator. I want to wrap zir up and tell zir that ze can rest now.
7th-Nov-2012 02:24 am (UTC)
Very nice. I loved it. *grins*
7th-Nov-2012 06:41 am (UTC)
I really enjoyed that. I related to your main character and then I was taken somewhere else into a place between fantasy and reality.

Suggestion on minor thing.
1st para Jay: lose 'apparently' last line. Don't doubt that stuff.
9th-Nov-2012 06:39 pm (UTC)
It's a year too late for copyediting, alas. :)
7th-Nov-2012 07:14 am (UTC)
A very evocative piece. It feels like part of a much larger story, which is how more stories should be.

9th-Nov-2012 06:39 pm (UTC)
And yet that is all I am giving you. Ha!
7th-Nov-2012 03:21 pm (UTC)
my eyes just fell out of my head in this bougie tea shop in Austin. you know how when you read a great story and something inside your brain/chest/consciousness just shifts and your world is a little different? the sublime. this did that to me.
9th-Nov-2012 06:40 pm (UTC)
Yaaaay. :)
7th-Nov-2012 05:53 pm (UTC)
Love it. Beautiful job of "show not tell," which can be tricky to pull off well. Part of me wants to know more, but part of me is delighted with the standalone bare bones of it and feels that flesh would encumber the lines.
9th-Nov-2012 06:42 pm (UTC)
Exactly; its bones are all it needed.

I'm going novel-length on messed-up portal fantasy in Cicatrix and on the specific magic of Vegas in Places You Haunt; as far as I know, there'll be no more of this particular story, but hopefully some of the things you like about it will be on fuller display elsewhere.
8th-Nov-2012 03:54 pm (UTC)
I read it.
9th-Nov-2012 09:17 pm (UTC)
This story breaks inside me. It finds all of my fault lines, the places where I was broken and fit myself back together and plays them like a xylophone. It's gorgeous and painful and light and dark and....

I'm out of words.
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