I spent the early part of this morning trying on all of the dresses in my closet. (WisCon is a dress-up con.) Due to my weight fluctuation over the years I've been sick, I have a lot of things that need to be let out and a lot of things that need to be taken in; I have very little that actually fits, and what does fit, I've worn to countless cons already. I was feeling desperately cranky. Especially because I knew I really wanted at least one new dress - I have a bookmark folder of dresses from Anthropologie, Modcloth, Trashy Diva, PinUp Girl Clothing. And every so often, over the past few months, I've pulled out the bookmarks and then had to sigh and say no, not yet. Because we moved, and we had upfuckery with some of our utilities, and it's just been one of those years where every time you think you're caught up there is Something Else. And all of the money has been going towards stuff for the household, and I couldn't justify something just for me.
So I tried on a dress, I went to show Judah, and he gave me a critique on it, and I went AUGH and stomped off, because yes it's not perfect, but it fits okay, and I just cannot even. He followed me and we talked out what was bugging me and how much better I'd feel if I just had one dress that fit me and that I hadn't had for years and years. But we were out of time to order anything, so feh.
And he said "I still owe you a birthday gift. Let me buy you a dress."
I fussed at him over spending money on fripperies and he reminded me that this was his money, not mine, and he did owe me a gift, and having a new dress that fits and looks good is obviously psychologically important. And he drove me to Anthropologie, and we went dress shopping.
...we didn't find anything. I am oddly proportioned and can't always find stuff off-the-rack, but I can sometimes find stuff at Anthropologie. Today it was stuff that wouldn't've looked good or was strapless or just didn't fit right.
But the point is, and this is not just about the dress - he listened to me, he understood that this was about something bigger than just a dress, and because it was within his power to try to fix the problem, he did. This is a thing I love - that when either of us is upset, we work to find out what the real problem is, and we do whatever we can to fix it. Because it's never really just about a dress; here it's about me getting put last, even by myself, and him saying no, you deserve better.
I won't have a new dress for Wiscon, but sometime soon, I will have a new dress. By Readercon. In the meantime, I have yarn.