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Scheherazade in Blue Jeans
freelance alchemist
Augh. 
20th-Mar-2012 04:09 pm
Boondock/can't believe
I'm reviewing manuscripts for the Amazon Breakthrough Novel contest again this year. As always, I've sorted my five manuscripts so I can get the worst-looking one out of the way first and build up to the most promising one. Adam and I have noted that, on average, we get one pretty good manuscript, three meh to ugh manuscripts, and one JESUS CHRIST IT'S A LION GET IN THE CAR manuscript.

I am currently reading what I hope is my only JESUS CHRIST IT'S A LION GET IN THE CAR manuscript.

Generally I scribble notes on the pages and put post-it notes of things I'll need to cite in the review - plot points, first appearances of characters, criticisms.

This manuscript is so godsdamned racist that I have had to stop marking the blatant racist lines with post-its, because otherwise I will run out of post-its.

For those who do not know, I HAVE A LOT OF POST-ITS.

This book is hideous and deeply upsetting and I am only on page 77 of 250something. Send help and gluten-free donuts. I'm going to try to power through it over the next two days just so I won't have to deal with it anymore. I may burn it when I'm done.
Comments 
20th-Mar-2012 08:13 pm (UTC)
Burn it. Say prayers/chant over the fire. Pour the ashes someplace safe. Smudge the house, sprinkle multicolor glitter on the doorway, and watch RuPaul videos. *hugs*
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20th-Mar-2012 08:48 pm (UTC)
Do you have to actually finish such a book to review it?
20th-Mar-2012 09:05 pm (UTC)
That was going to be my question. It seems to me that if you know by page 30 that you're not going to recommend the book go to the next round, there's no reason you should have to read to page 31, let alone 78, or 250. By now, you should have plenty to say about what's wrong with this manuscript, and if you haven't found anything positive to say yet, then no one can say you haven't tried.

Personally, I find it hard to imagine reading "I have had to stop marking the blatant racist lines with post-its, because otherwise I will run out of post-its" and needing any further information.
20th-Mar-2012 09:34 pm (UTC)
Given what we typically get in our slush pile, I am horrified, but not at all surprised.

Why do you have to read the whole thing? Can't you give it low marks on what you have read so far?
20th-Mar-2012 09:49 pm (UTC)
Fwiw, I am going to adopt your phrasing, and now refer to certain slush pile epic fail of ours as "JESUS CHRIST IT'S A LION GET IN THE CAR" manuscripts -- because this is awesome.
20th-Mar-2012 10:04 pm (UTC)
seconded. greatest phrase ever. i'm sorry you have to read such a thing. KILL IT WITH FIRE.
21st-Mar-2012 02:29 pm (UTC)
Yikes!

THE MORE I KNOW.
21st-Mar-2012 02:38 pm (UTC)
Never do this. It is not worth the $200.
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27th-Mar-2012 05:48 am (UTC)
Honestly- I am intrigued. How does one sign up?
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