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Scheherazade in Blue Jeans
freelance alchemist
Updatery 
11th-Jan-2012 01:07 pm
Hearth
10mg of Ambien treats me about the same as 3mg of Lunesta, in that I wake up at 4, manage to get back to sleep, and get not-deep, not-restorative sleep for another few hours. So at least last night wasn't as bad as the night before. I have a call in to the doctor, because I only have 7 Ambiens left, so... that's not going to last me.

I forgot to mention! I went back to sleep yesterday morning, got about an hour and a half, and I remembered my dream, which I generally do when I don't sleep deeply. I was at a party. Yes, a bunch of you were there. And so was irana.

I think I dream about irana more than any other friend who's passed away. The first few times, waking up was just awful, because every time I would remember that she was dead, when she was just alive and laughing in my dream. This time it wasn't awful. This time I remembered, nodded to myself, and thought she was having a great time at that party. She always had a great time.

I have to go write, and I'm feeling tremendous resistance to that. Because I'm better-rested today, I have some energy, and I have other Stuff to Do that I want to be doing! And I know that, after I write, I will be exhausted. I don't want to lose that energy. I DON'T WANT TO GO IN THE CART.

But I must, and afterward I must go through and decide what part of it I'm reading at Arisia; as I told my fellow readers cucumberseed and skogkatt yesterday, I write Cicatrix in sort of a fugue state. I resurface and I don't recall everything I just wrote. I have no idea what I have.

And now I must get to it.
Comments 
11th-Jan-2012 06:13 pm (UTC)
I wish I had been more help earlier; despite it being on my calendar when it belongs, Arisia is a week early in my head, and my plans are thrown all off for it. I still have playlist making and painting I have not even started, never mind what possible additional poems I might read in the slam if things require a second go-round, some panels I am flat unprepared to take part in D:

I hope sleep will stop spurning you.
11th-Jan-2012 06:54 pm (UTC)
Heyyyy, does that mean you're taking requests? Because "The Lend", "And Cut Down a Moment Later", "Rise and Run"...?
11th-Jan-2012 06:56 pm (UTC)
"Rise and Run" might be good for our triumpersonate reading if Pony goes too short!

I have one poem about the sun and wolves that I might read for Sonya at the poetry slam (if we get another round), but "And Cut Down a Moment Later" is a strong contender.
11th-Jan-2012 08:58 pm (UTC)
"Rise and Run" has such great cadence... I'd love to hear it aloud. :)
11th-Jan-2012 06:16 pm (UTC)
I like it when folks who've passed away show up in my dreams and are having a good time. Lately, my grandmother has been showing up and NOT being a symbol of some sort of terror of mortality of the mind (that is, being more like herself than the Alzheimer's shell she was just before she died), and that's a very nice relief.

Speaking of odd people showing up in dreams, I keep having dreams with you in them, which is weird because I think I've met you live, very briefly, twice. I wish I knew what my subconscious was using you to symbolize!
11th-Jan-2012 08:59 pm (UTC)
I *am* an odd person! :)

11th-Jan-2012 10:59 pm (UTC)
Thank you for this post! I got my ambien on Monday but they only had 3 pills (and for whatever reason, my dr gave me 5mg, not the 10mg I always get, grr!), so I am out and need to go pick up the rest tonight! I'd totally forgotten, and would have realized it around 9pm when it would then be too late!

I tried Lunesta but it doesn't work as well for me, and leaves a metallic taste in my mouth the next day. And I enjoy food far too much to deal with that. I generally need to take 15-20mg of ambien to really work, but I get the ambien hangover when I do that. Wouldn't it be lovely to just be able to fall asleep naturally?????
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12th-Jan-2012 04:04 pm (UTC)
I tried 15 last night; same as 10.
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