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Scheherazade in Blue Jeans
freelance alchemist
Odin's Day 
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(Deleted comment)
11th-May-2011 02:54 pm (UTC)
I saw the article on domism last week, and it's a good summary of what bothers me about "the Scene." Those attitudes lead to some really shitty behavior.
11th-May-2011 03:04 pm (UTC) - Good lord that was long
She comes across as someone who wants to be writing academic papers. On the other hand, you can't put sentences like
what I really think is that these ideas should die in a fire and be buried under a headstone that reads “Total Power Exchange.”

in an academic paper, no matter how snork-worthy they are.
11th-May-2011 04:28 pm (UTC) - Re: Good lord that was long
She?
11th-May-2011 04:34 pm (UTC) - Re: Good lord that was long
Well shame on me for not looking closer. I just assume anything at YMY is written by a woman.

Now trying to assess if that changes my response to the article's main themes, as being written by a self-professed member of a group identified as one-down in the material (male subs).

Maybe so, rabbit. Maybe so.
11th-May-2011 04:36 pm (UTC) - Re: Good lord that was long
Indeed. :) Actually, most of the content at YMY is written by Thomas.

Interesting to reassess!
(Deleted comment)
11th-May-2011 07:36 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much for posting the article about Domism.

I try to take pains to read all of the articles you post about privilege, sex, and social dynamics, and it's usually so that I can maintain a healthy awareness of my own privilege. It's an unusual but very powerful experience to read a rundown of the ways in which a society I have tried to belong in has acted against me, so much so that I have stopped trying to be a part of it.

Domism is really at the heart of why I've found it very difficult to give trust or even the benefit of the doubt to het male doms. I've tried to write about this damage, with mixed amounts of effectiveness, and had previously seen very little examination of the inherent structure within the Scene that didn't come from Maymay.

This is a pretty huge deal and I will pay more attention to this blog. Thanks again.
11th-May-2011 08:23 pm (UTC)
(by 'this blog' I mean yesmeansyes.)
12th-May-2011 02:55 pm (UTC)
Yesmeansyes is *awesome* and I want it on everyone's blogroll ever.
11th-May-2011 09:25 pm (UTC)
In addition to the good stuff about ymy, I highly recommend the ethnography that gets quoted from in that article, "Playing on the Edge". It's spectacularly written, and explores a lot of ideas that resonate with intersections with privilege and other fun stuffs. ~flails words badly~
12th-May-2011 05:22 am (UTC)
Thank you for the link on Domism/Sexism, though I'd seen it elsewhere, as well.

Rereading it today led me to maymay's blog about his experiences on a kink.com tour.

Of course, it automatically puts me slightly on the defensive in that it forces me to look at my relationship experiences, and the kink side of them, and my tendency to be a dominant/man interested in topping* women who like submitting.

*(I'm trying to get into recognizing that top/sub/dom/bottom are mixed parts-of-speech words, and focus on them as verbs or adjectives, not as nouns)
12th-May-2011 05:23 am (UTC) - oh shite - catharsis
And yet ... the most painful thing regarding bdsm, emotionally, that has ever been said to me was that xyz couldn't submit to me, because the power dynamic in our relationship was that I was always pursuing her, always trying to "win" her attention, and this didn't come across as dominating to her ... AND she loaded up her wording with things about how her other boyfriend came across as more physically dominant, more macho ... which in turn brought me back to being an adolescent boy, picked on because I wasn't big and strong and athletic.
12th-May-2011 02:54 pm (UTC) - Re: oh shite - catharsis
Augh stupid rigorous gender roles.
12th-May-2011 03:09 pm (UTC) - Re: oh shite - catharsis
Agreed with the role issue, but it was the internalisation of that rejection, and its sort of triggery-ness based in childhood power games that has caused some of the painful, still-need-to-be-worked-out, issues regarding my dominance role in topping.

If that makes sense?
I've considered looking into mentoring from a pro-domme.
12th-May-2011 07:56 pm (UTC) - Re: oh shite - catharsis
Hm! That sounds like an interesting and probably good idea.
12th-May-2011 08:00 pm (UTC) - Re: oh shite - catharsis
oi the irony, though - the only one I know of who focuses on these sort of things, has scened with that ex of mine.
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