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Scheherazade in Blue Jeans
freelance alchemist
My house is so quiet; my husband is out of town. Years ago, when I… 
27th-Mar-2011 09:41 pm
Alice: World of my own
My house is so quiet; my husband is out of town.

Years ago, when I lived in Atlanta, Adam being out of town was a Problem. I used to call friends over to spend the night, because I could not deal with being in the house alone-after-Elayna's-bedtime. The quiet made me twitch, made me incredibly nervous, and of course this worsened after the house was broken into in early November '02.

It isn't a Problem now, not like that. I miss him lots! But the problems are more along the lines of "must make sure child gets up on time and packs her lunch", not "OMG FREAKOUT".

PTSD Lass is Much Better, is what I am saying. Damn, was I a wreck in that regard those first few years. That was me detoxing from the abusive ex-husband and finally in a place where I could fall apart and deal with what had happened in Vegas and, hell, deal with my whole life up to that point; before moving in with Adam, I had been keeping my shit together strictly through forward momentum and surface tension, bubble gum and baling wire, manic determination. With Adam, I finally felt safe enough to relax, hemorrhage years of hell, and piece myself back together using only the parts of me I wanted to keep.

Adam is out of town and I am okay, and that probably doesn't look huge to people who haven't known me long, but it kinda is. Kiss of grace to ex-'song who had to fight so hard all the time...

Sometimes, "this used to be really hard for me, and now it's not" is enough.
Comments 
28th-Mar-2011 01:57 am (UTC)
Bless.

Keep getting better. Always good to remember how much better you've gotten.
28th-Mar-2011 02:01 am (UTC)
I wonder if the strength of connection you feel with your gentleman-at-a-distance helps as yet another safety line? No matter what, I'm glad you're in a better space.

Edited at 2011-03-28 02:01 am (UTC)
28th-Mar-2011 02:02 am (UTC)
*nod* I remember those days.
28th-Mar-2011 02:25 am (UTC)
Sometimes, "this used to be really hard for me, and now it's not" is enough.

Wholeheartedly agreed.
28th-Mar-2011 02:35 am (UTC)
Sometimes, "this used to be really hard for me, and now it's not" is enough.

That is a nice space to be in. Kudos.
28th-Mar-2011 02:46 am (UTC)
~lights a candle~

May you continue to find places in your life like that.

And it sounds like that's not just "enough", it sounds like that is flight all on its own.
(Deleted comment)
28th-Mar-2011 12:17 pm (UTC)
SRSLY.
28th-Mar-2011 04:58 am (UTC)
Indeed, sometimes, it is enough. Go you.
28th-Mar-2011 07:02 am (UTC)
I've known you long enough! And I say YAY! *hugs*


Also, I actually understand where Decatur is now. Sigh. Decatur is awesome! Why did I not grok it when I still live down south?

Stupid midwest.
28th-Mar-2011 12:18 pm (UTC)
*laugh* Decatur was the only part of Atlanta I liked.

Come to Boston!
28th-Mar-2011 07:41 pm (UTC)
I get far too much of this on my own skin. And I'm grateful to the people and circumstances in my life that make it part of my past rather than my present, too.

Here's to Kiss of grace to ex-'song who had to fight so hard all the time...

Sometimes, "this used to be really hard for me, and now it's not" is enough.


Yeah.
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