This is the day that the last ten days of stress and the last long awful day of travel reared up and bitchslapped me; I napped for a big chunk of the day, and have been spacey the rest of it. I remind myself to breathe; this happens, this is okay.
I don't generally make resolutions. I am keenly aware that my body will do what it wants and sometimes that means I don't accomplish shit. I would like to resolve "more dancing" and "regular non-walking exercise". I will try for both of those things. I will not beat myself up if I don't accomplish them.
What do I want? I want to do more, dance more, perform more, be more. What I run up against here, quite frankly, is time
. I do not have time
to do burlesque and roller derby and dance classes and theatre. I have time for one, maybe.
What do I want? I want to keep stretching, to keep trying, to keep learning. That, I can do.
I have a few concrete resolutions - things that are mostly not dependent on anyone else, things that are doable and attainable.Writing Resolution
: I will finish Cicatrix
by the Autumn Equinox. It will be done by the time sindrian
: I will get several chapters in the "dismantling rape culture" book.Activist Resolution
: I will do a proposal for at least one professional conference. I'd say more than one, but I have never done this before; I don't know what it will take. Of everything, this is the farthest from my comfort zone.Chatelaine Resolutions
I will cook and bake more: something new
once a week. Enough of resting on our very-basic laurels. I want to try new things, and I have a huge stack of interesting safe-for-me recipes.
I will maintain a better standard of tidiness. This is the resolution that's dependent on others; I need Adam and Elayna to work with me on this. But I'm miserable when my house is cluttered. It looks pretty good now, thanks to the pre-trip cleaning sweep. I want it to stay that way.Knitting Resolution
: I will make a thing that counts as an article of clothing, not just an accessory. I'll probably start with baby sweaters so I can get the hang of it before I make a sweater for myself. But I will at least begin a sweater for myself this year.
What do I want? I want more patience and more grace. I want 2011 to be our best year yet. I want to not be afraid of writing Cicatrix
. I want explosive delight and warm contentment. I want everyone who wants babies to have babies. I want everyone to live through 2011. I want no tragedies. "Just this once, everybody lives." I want dinner parties. I want to make things. I want to be occasionally gobsmacked by sheer wonder. I want to dance. I want to risk. I want to grow my wings on the way down. I want to be better, I want to do better.
What do you want?