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Scheherazade in Blue Jeans
freelance alchemist
Aries. 
3rd-Aug-2010 07:46 am
Tiala - xana art
I've been seeing a bunch of people post publicly, so I guess we can post publicly now.

feste_sylvain had the 1-9AM Blogathon pit crew shift. He showed up, took care of us, played Sudoku, and we blogged our crazy sleep-deprived asses off. 9am finally roled around, I had my last giant-squid post good to go. And he pulled up a chair and sat next to me and took my hands and said "Aries died yesterday."

I didn't believe him for a second, and then I did believe him, and then I couldn't breathe, and then I think I was not making sense for a bit. We cleared everyone out, I e-mailed Aries's partners, and Adam finally managed to get me to bed, where I stared into space for an hour waiting for the adrenaline to crash.

People are focusing on good memories in their posts. For me, some of my good memories of ariesd are tangled with things other people might not think of right off as good, so I beg your patience.

Aries had been ill for some time (though he seemed much better recently, which is why this was such a shock). My body is haywire in different ways, but still, there is this social isolation thing that happens when your body does not work, and there is a tremendous relief in finding someone you can talk to about your complicated medical shit - who you don't have to do 101 with, who won't worry about the things you and they can't fix. Aries and I saw that in each other right away, and we bonded on that level as much as on SF geekery. When I was at a party with Aries, our conversations would shift to this medication or that procedure, and I know everyone around us was lost.

There is a particular thing you do, choices you make, when you are physically unwell but you are determined to live well. He was a companion in that.

Two? years ago, maybe a year and a half, before my celiac diagnosis, I was scanning my neurological + autoimmune problems as maybe something else. I was very anxious about going to the doctor and insisting on the test I wanted. Aries said "No problem, I'll take you." He drove me there and sat with me, arms folded, level gaze at the neuro. He didn't need to say anything, and I didn't need to push hard. It was just having him there. That helped.

And Aries was like that with everyone. If you needed help on anything, Aries was there. Always. Without even a second thought.

I last saw Aries a week ago today, at Diesel. It would be no surprise to anyone who's read this far that our last conversation was about his new medication, which I've also been on; what side effects he could expect, et cetera. It would be no surprise to anyone who knew him that that conversation ended with a big, warm hug.

I can think of few people as universally beloved 'round here as ariesd.

He deserved it.

I do not have more words right now.
Comments 
3rd-Aug-2010 11:51 am (UTC)
I'm sorry for your loss. Sending love your way.
3rd-Aug-2010 11:54 am (UTC)
I'm so very sorry for your loss. He sounds like a wonderful man.
(Deleted comment)
3rd-Aug-2010 12:26 pm (UTC)
Words always fail in situations like these, but I'm so terribly sorry.
3rd-Aug-2010 12:36 pm (UTC)
I am so, so sorry for your loss :(
3rd-Aug-2010 01:01 pm (UTC)
I'm so sorry. I don't know what else to say.
(Deleted comment)
3rd-Aug-2010 01:18 pm (UTC)
I'm very sorry for your loss. I'm sorry I didn't know him.
3rd-Aug-2010 01:20 pm (UTC)
My deepest sympathies to you and your tribe. It is always so hard to lose a member of your tribe. In my belief your friend is at peace know but the peace for you and your group will take much longer.
3rd-Aug-2010 01:30 pm (UTC)
I wish I'd gotten to know him better.
3rd-Aug-2010 01:37 pm (UTC)
I'm very sorry for your loss.
3rd-Aug-2010 01:50 pm (UTC)
(and I am *so angry* in ways that no one gets.)
3rd-Aug-2010 02:42 pm (UTC)
I've been angry for days. I had no idea a death could make me this ready to rend and tear.
3rd-Aug-2010 02:11 pm (UTC)
Well, that sucks.

Take care of yourself.
3rd-Aug-2010 02:17 pm (UTC)
I'm new around these parts, and while I never met your friend I'm sorry for your loss of him. **Hug**
3rd-Aug-2010 02:18 pm (UTC)
Hug.
More hug.
Wait, you're not done getting hugged yet.

Nope, not yet, either.

Okay, now. (You gotta breathe, eventually.)

I'm so sorry. I wish I'd known him--he sounds like he was quite the guy.
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