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Scheherazade in Blue Jeans
freelance alchemist
Every so often, I am handed big tremendous things by the universe. I… 
4th-Jul-2010 06:23 pm
Figuring shit out
Every so often, I am handed big tremendous things by the universe. I regard these things almost as a dare - "You said you couldn't possibly do X without having Y. Here's Y, Z, and ABCD. What are you gonna do now?" I am constantly presented with situations in which I have no real obstacles and thus no excuse not to excel.

I find this oppressive, and I'm aware of how whiny that sounds. It's just a lot of pressure. A whole damn lot of pressure.

And my blithe response to this tends to be that I don't like when things are handed to me because I don't trust anything I haven't worked for, anything I have not concretely and tangibly earned and earned hard. Dangers untold and hardships unnumbered.

It has randomly just occurred to me that the lesson from the universe may not entirely be "get up off your ass and do it because you have no damn excuse not to and nothing in your way", but also: "learn to trust."
Comments 
(Deleted comment)
4th-Jul-2010 11:21 pm (UTC)
Did you?
(Deleted comment)
4th-Jul-2010 11:02 pm (UTC)
sometimes....
the universe provides what it thinks we should be doing...

our biggest problem...

is listening when she speaks....
4th-Jul-2010 11:24 pm (UTC)
That would be a good lesson to learn. Plus, you have a whole troop of folks who have your back. Just sayin', is all.
5th-Jul-2010 06:07 am (UTC)
No kidding. I thought I was the only person I knew with a personal army, and then I met 'song. [grin]
5th-Jul-2010 11:50 am (UTC)
I have no idea how this happened!
5th-Jul-2010 12:05 pm (UTC)
Leadership skills + good cause + people.
5th-Jul-2010 12:39 am (UTC)
When the universe gives it up, enjoy.

The last time I really believed I could trust that things would be okay...in about two and a half weeks' time, I learned my love is deploying and my stepmother died. I'm not falling for that shit again.

5th-Jul-2010 01:07 am (UTC)
Thank you for posting this. I'm very familiar with that pressure and tend to run the other way when presented with those kind of gifts and opportunities. And the words that have kept surfacing, magic 8 ball like, throughout this week? Learn to trust.
5th-Jul-2010 04:16 am (UTC)
Oddly enough most of my life has gone the opposite way.
"Lord give me X and I promise I can do Y" - pretty much ensures that I will never get X.
5th-Jul-2010 06:09 am (UTC)
I sympathize/can relate. Does it help to think of it as not something you haven't earned, but something you're in the process of earning? Not everything's a Holy Grail; sometimes it's a sword in the stone instead.
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