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Scheherazade in Blue Jeans
freelance alchemist
for one more of us 
21st-Mar-2010 10:21 am
Dancer


This song's been in my head since Wednesday, for obvious reasons.

irana's service (and celebration) is today. I want to be there; I can't.

My friends and guys have been good to me. Adam, feste_sylvain, and maxymyllyn talked me through Wednesday, with enderfem and swashbucklr chipping in via text message and kires via e-mail. pierceheart & co., mikemarano, Dave, and Liz joined me for a drink and the singing of "The Parting Glass". pierceheart toasted, among other things, "here's to us and those like us; damn few of us left." Ain't that the truth.

swashbucklr appeared at my door yesterday and said "Want to take a walk?" So we wandered for a few hours around Walden Pond, which I'd actually never been to. Let me tell you, it is all fey up in there. And it's another place where I fit. Took crappy cameraphone pictures of fallen branches that looked like masks, cairns that looked like they were designed by Miyazaki... carried a few stones to where they wanted to go. We found the place where I swear Neil Gaiman's story "October in the Chair" takes place - fourteen perfect sitting stumps in a circle.

swashbucklr: "But there are only twelve months."
Me: "There's a special seat for Leap Day, and one for the person they're telling the story to."

And we sat there in the circle and I talked about irana a bit.

I think that what happens when we die is whatever we believe will happen. I think Christians go to Christian heaven and people who believe in reincarnation get reincarnated, et cetera. I think that also people can stick around for a little bit - not in the ghosts with unfinished business way, but in the "on the way out of the party, lingering to hug everyone goodbye" way.

So I think maybe irana's maybe around a tiny bit, just for these few days, hugging people goodbye before she leaves the party for good and all. I hope she's heard me singing for her and telling my friends how completely freaking awesome she is and how much they would have loved her. I hope that she knows I am giving her a great big hug.

I was telling swashbucklr yesterday about her great big laugh. And even though I haven't actually heard it since I moved away, I swear it is still clear as day; I have been hearing her. May that memory never fade.

We live to dance another day,
it's just now we have to dance for one more of us.
So stop looking so damn depressed,
and sing with all our hearts,
Long live the Queen...
Comments 
21st-Mar-2010 04:12 pm (UTC)
I love Walden Pond. It's where I realized that my connection to the Divine was much closer in nature than in a stuffy church, surrounded by fidgeting people who don't want to be there any more than I do because Mass has become more of a chore than a celebration. I missed the sense of belonging that I'd find in forest glens and near the water's edge, the peace of being surrounded by living things.

I like to think that heaven is whatever we imagine it to be, that our perception shapes reality. Maybe that's due to being influenced by Eastern religions, but I think that the afterlife is much more varied than we know. While some people move on right away to whatever comes next, I like to think that some people are reincarnated to deal with issues which they left unfinished in their past life, or try to make amends for wrong decisions. I don't see that as a punishment, but rather as proof of faith in humanity. I think that spirits of the departed linger as long as they feel needed by the living.

I know that I could feel my grandfather's presence at his funeral, and for about three days afterward. A stubborn man in life, it made perfect sense that he'd stick around to check on his family. I could hear his laugh, smell his brand of cigarettes, etc. Things would move on their own, things which held special meaning between us and occasional baby items, as I was pregnant with Bree at the time and not eating well. The last time that I felt him, I was rushed to the hospital with preterm labor at six months due to preeclampsia. I trust that he had been trying to tell me, in his gruff way, to take better care of myself, that it was okay to be happy about bringing a new life into the world, that sadness doesn't have to last forever. I got the distinct feeling that he'd hung on as long as possible because I'd needed him to snap me out of the funk I was in, and that now he could move forward.

So, I may not be completely sure about the afterlife, but I do believe that there is a window, if you will, in which they are given a chance to get used to their new plane of existence and say their goodbyes to the living. However, goodbye doesn't have to mean forever, more like the French, "Until we meet again..."
22nd-Mar-2010 12:25 am (UTC)
There are places were people are more real, more of who they should be, and places like Walden Pond are such for me. I'm more awake there, more alive.
21st-Mar-2010 04:22 pm (UTC)
[hug] The world is a smaller place, and we are all diminished by the loss. My only regret being I never got to meet the lady. ['nother hug]
21st-Mar-2010 05:06 pm (UTC) - *sniff*
Wow, that is some song, and a touching video. *hug* I'm glad you found a lovely, meaningful spot outdoors.
21st-Mar-2010 05:42 pm (UTC)
So say we all.
21st-Mar-2010 06:19 pm (UTC)
I didn't know her, and I don't *know* you, but I could feel the loss you shared and I *know* loss. Thank you for sharing some of her with us. Thank you for sharing this song as well. I sat here and listened to it, staring out the window at a sunny but cold Texas sky and thought I want this played at my funeral. I want people to hear this, nod their heads, and say to each other, 'That is Sorcha, alright. No doubt.'...then go out and Wake me properly.

Today, as I'm walking around the floor at work (secretly practicing my Mayas) I'll give an extra swing and bump for the Queen.
21st-Mar-2010 07:51 pm (UTC)
(((hugs))) Sorry, sweet one. You're not to the tipping point yet, but there comes a time when many folks measure their life not by those they are adding to their friend pool, but those that are leaving the globe forever. I doubt you nor I will ever end up with that fatalistic backward-fixed gaze... but each loss hurts none the less. So... time to get your dance on... even if their sole seasoning is salty strewn drops of 'Song essence.
22nd-Mar-2010 11:10 pm (UTC)
I think that what happens when we die is whatever we believe will happen. I think Christians go to Christian heaven and people who believe in reincarnation get reincarnated, et cetera. I think that also people can stick around for a little bit - not in the ghosts with unfinished business way, but in the "on the way out of the party, lingering to hug everyone goodbye" way.

This is also what I believe.
22nd-Mar-2010 11:10 pm (UTC)
Also, thinking thoughts of solace and comfort to you in your time of sorrow.
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