Note: Victoria is my daughter's cat. Her nickname is Victoributt or Butt. Also Bitchcakes, but that does not apply to this conversation.
Adam: "I brought you coffee. And a Butt."
Me: "I don't *want* the Butt. ...okay, I want to grab her head." *grabs her head* "She finds that oddly comforting."
Adam: "She's purring."
Me: "I know."
Victoria wrests her head away; I grab her feet.
Me: "Victoria. God was drunk when he made you. Because you have bunny feet. Not cat feet. Bunny feet."
Me: "God was like platypus-what? I'm gonna give this cat fuckin' bunny feet
. And throw in a bunch of extra thumbs, why not. Pass the beer."
Adam: "And make her squeak instead of meow."
Me: "Yeah. MOAR BEER and here is your cat-thing."
That cat is messed up. But beautiful.