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Scheherazade in Blue Jeans
freelance alchemist
Thor's Day 
23rd-Jul-2009 06:05 am
Illyana/soulsword
Administration
Hello to new readers aquablogathon09, crowgirl13, rockahulahoops, and rowyn!

Medical
Ugh. Very little sleep last night, thanks to multiple people finding last night the perfect time to have dramasplosions.

On that note
Ordinarily, I encourage people to speak up right away when they're having an issue. Not to sit on it and let it fester. However. If you've already been letting it fester for all of 2009. I ask that you please hold your water just a few more days until this great big time-and-energy-consuming thing that I only do once a year is over. If you keep poking at me when you've been told repeatedly that I don't have the resources to have the discussion you want to have right now? You're not going to like the discussion we end up having.

Regarding telephones
1. I hate telephones.
2. However, if you've been told you're an exception? You are. Very few people have heard this from me. So yeah, you are.
3. When we are having issues with our land line that include intermittent horrific static to the point that caller ID doesn't even work (which I've been posting about here and on Twitter), calling and not laving voicemail != contacting me, especially when you have my cell-phone number.
4. Do not call me after 10 unless someone just died or was hospitalized. If I'm not already in bed, which I seldom but sometimes am? Elayna's definitely in bed, and she has a phone in her room. She does not need to be woken up so you can ask me a question you could've asked via e-mail. And yes, this goes for exceptions as well, but the person in question wasn't one.

Regarding Elayna
If I say "I need to talk to Elayna about that, and I won't have a chance to until Sunday night at the earliest," stop pushing me for an immediate response. This is summer. Elayna is at camp. She will be there late tonight (til 9:30), not leaving time for the making of pro/con lists; she will be there tomorrow morning through Sunday night, sleeping over. Hitting me after I tell you this with "Well I need to know ASAP" will not do anything but annoy me. Yes, I will let you know as soon as possible - and I have already told you when that would be. Your needing to know something not actually time-sensitive a month early doesn't mean I'm going to pull my kid out of camp for a discussion. I have told you exactly when "as soon as possible" is.

Yes, I'm frustrated.
Kinda have a lot going on. Didn't need the extended weeklong loop of people being crazy. This is just the tip of the iceberg, and I flat-out will not be going further into any of it - because I am allergic to drama, and even if I never speak to any of the people involved again, I don't want huge acrimonious fights. At the same time, I am indulging my right to vent without pointing fingers. Which I am aware can be seen as dramatic, but I'm cranky about the madness and the lack of sleep.

What I Want
I mentioned a week or so ago that I feel like I'm in a position where the universe is saying "What do you want?" And I have many things I've yet to figure out... I've been giving my branching paths a *lot* of thought, because it's rare that I have this sort of breathing room to figure it all out. It's usually chaos dancing, as a friend puts it. So I very much want to take advantage of this opportunity.

Like I said - lots to figure out. But I have figured out a chunk of what I want in relationships, which helped me winnow three possibilities down to the one that suits me best (and I know, being poly means it's not a zero-sum game, but I don't like slicing up my time and energy too thin, and there are reasons the other two wouldn't work). And this is the perfect time to make a stand on the topic of, well, everything - but specifically here on the topic of friendship. And that stand is this: If you're not going to treat me with respect, GTFO.

I have a healer complex, a white-knight complex. As such, too many of my past relationships and past and present friendships have had me swallowing a lot of bullshit and disrespectful behavior because the other person is always too fragile to be called on the carpet for it.

Life's too short. I start off treating everyone with respect. If you're not going to treat me the same way, let's not waste everyone's time and energy. I'm sure there is someone else who'd love to feed your codependency. Me, I'm into equality.

And see? It feels like I'm an asshole for saying that, because I have years of being everyone's savior or mommy under my belt. But that's not my job. I'm not responsible for anyone but myself (well, and my actual child). I like to help, but other people's problems are really-truly not mine to fix. (Especially if I keep giving solid advice and it keeps getting ignored in favor of the reality-disconnected script in people's heads.)

But I put other people first a lot. I always will - I love my work with BARCC, for example. But one of the things BARCC impresses on its volunteers is the need for self-care. And if I'm being jerked around so much that there's no time and energy for self-care, there's a problem; I won't be any good for anyone else if I don't take care of myself. Please put on your own oxygen mask before helping the person next to you. You know?

Running a Blogathon team hits those buttons. (Plenty of other stuff going on that hits those buttons, too.) The way things were going prior to yesterday's decision? It was, once again, me sublimating my needs in order to be other people's mommy. It was heading for the sort of situation that sent me into meltdown last year, having a very difficult 'thon and feeling spiky and resentful for months afterward. Because you guys - Blogathon is hard. The year theferrett did it, he said it was the hardest thing he's ever done. It's hard for perfectly healthy people, and I am, to put it mildly, not perfectly healthy. It's worth it. But to keep myself from going crazy, I have to put myself and my 'thon first in my mind. I will not sacrifice another 'thon to take care of everyone else.

So there's that.

Link Soup
* Artistic interpretations of missed connections ads.
* Robo-Ethicists Want to Revamp Asimov’s 3 Laws.
* Alice in Wonderland trailer!
* Richard Kadrey stories.
* Americans, "do you like your mail service? DO SOMETHING."

Daily Science
Dolphins give themselves "names"—distinctive whistles that they use to identify each other, new research shows.
Scientists say it's the first time wild animals have been shown to call out their own names.


Plans
I have an unusual and lovely morning visit from feste_sylvain! He'll help me with some errands. Which means, among other things, that those BPAL packages will finally go out. I also have to photograph the remaining bottles and decants/imps to go up on eBay, because baby, I want them gone.

This afternoon? Most likely a nap, but also editing "My Empire for Ashes". Doing what I can, anyway. The general consensus is that I'm skimming over things too quickly, but if I don't, it'll be a novel. And this isn't the novel I want to be writing right now.

Also need to prioritize short fiction to work on; I have one thing that absolutely must get done next week. *nod*
Comments 
23rd-Jul-2009 11:52 am (UTC)
if I'm being jerked around so much that there's no time and energy for self-care, there's a problem; I won't be any good for anyone else if I don't take care of myself.

This. I've been working on it for years.
23rd-Jul-2009 11:57 am (UTC)
You are so not an a-hole for speaking your mind on any of this. You are sorting things out and what works for you and that is a good thing on so many levels.

Here's to hoping that the stress will be light to none here on out.
23rd-Jul-2009 11:59 am (UTC)
It was, once again, me sublimating my needs in order to be other people's mommy.
This is....this is how my Mom went out.

I'm very glad to see you asserting your rights not to do this w/adults. Very glad, indeed.
23rd-Jul-2009 12:00 pm (UTC)
*hugs you*
23rd-Jul-2009 12:05 pm (UTC)
Big events always seem to draw the drama out of the woodwork. It's the Wedding Principle - you're spending your energy openly and obviously on the event, which makes everyone around perk up and realize *they* aren't getting that energy. Half the time people don't even realize they're acting out [which is not an excuse, of course].

Your attitude about the drama is excellent. :D
23rd-Jul-2009 12:37 pm (UTC)
I'd never heard it explained that way, but that makes a lot of sense. Thank you.

We humans are weird, complicated things. Like I need being reminded of that. :-)
23rd-Jul-2009 12:59 pm (UTC)
You're welcome. :)

We humans are weird, complicated things. Like I need being reminded of that.

*laughs* And yet we get reminded of it all the time. Possibly so we remember to keep our senses of humor intact.
(Deleted comment)
24th-Jul-2009 01:06 pm (UTC)
Not lately, Sis. :) I'm sure you know the feeling is mutual.

23rd-Jul-2009 02:59 pm (UTC)
An excellent explanation! I've been seeing in while I'm under stress from moving, as soon as I don't have time, BAM!! The peoples, they crawl out of the woodwork needing my energy. Now I know more of why. :)
24th-Jul-2009 01:11 pm (UTC)
It's clockwork-predictable, really. The dynamics are somehow clearest when involved in wedding planning [possibly because there are so many assigned roles?] but yeah, it happens anytime you've got something big and stressful to focus the bulk of your energies on. With moves you get the added bonus of everyone else's abandonment issues. :P I hope the move goes smoothly. :)
24th-Jul-2009 01:13 pm (UTC)
Thanks!
23rd-Jul-2009 12:10 pm (UTC)
I applaud your clarity in both seeing what you need and setting the boundaries for those needs. Also your dedication to what's important to you - it's inspiring :-)

*hugs and drama-free vibes*
23rd-Jul-2009 03:10 pm (UTC)
<3
23rd-Jul-2009 08:27 pm (UTC)
You rock! Carry on with your bad self.
23rd-Jul-2009 08:36 pm (UTC)
Thinking of you. Being in the Mama-tribe doesn't mean being everyone's Mama.

24th-Jul-2009 02:48 am (UTC)
<333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333 o_O *overbalances from hearts and crashes hard* :O
24th-Jul-2009 05:01 am (UTC)
Damn, The Drama is coming out of the woodwork like crazy for you. Fantastic timing, huh?
24th-Jul-2009 12:22 pm (UTC)
SRSLY.
24th-Jul-2009 09:47 am (UTC)
Oh, wow, thank you for linking that article about revamped Asimov robot laws! I love Isaac Asimov's stories and his thoughts about society and humanity and people/robot and that article was an interesting read.
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