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Scheherazade in Blue Jeans
freelance alchemist
Thoughts upon re-reading "My Empire for Ashes" 
17th-Jul-2009 05:30 pm
Hearth
Interesting how body language works itself in. How Katrina looks away, looks down; how Alexander presses his hands against things when nervous, to hide any trembling.

Interesting how language shifts - the story is third-person from Alexander's POV, and he is concise, precise, sparse, correct in his language. But Katrina's an empath - and when her emotions are spilling over onto him, the writing shifts; the sentences are longer, swirling, not as controlled. Had not noticed that when I was writing it.

Altogether, I don't think I have to add much. There are a few awkward sentences, and some words I repeat overmuch... one continuity error, and one scene that needs to be moved up a bit. Otherwise, I do rather like it. That's a relief!

Next step, after fixing those things? Sending it to some beta readers to see if it makes sense and hangs together the way I want it to. Because the biggest problem I have here is that I know this whole story intimately, and therefore I could be flat-out forgetting to communicate things to you, the people outside my head.
Comments 
17th-Jul-2009 10:10 pm (UTC)
Neat. Of course if you're looking for beta readers... ::grins::
17th-Jul-2009 10:17 pm (UTC)
I cannot tell you how happy this makes me. :)
18th-Jul-2009 12:54 am (UTC)
*raises her beta hand*

I will find time to read this story.
18th-Jul-2009 02:59 am (UTC)
Am willing to beta, if needed.
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